University Officials Buggered by Gay Unicorn

Posted: Mar 27, 2007 12:01 AM

I don't have any patience, tolerance, or open-mindedness when it comes to certain things. And one of those things is a damned liar. That's why I could never work as a UNCW student newspaper editor or as an assistant to my boss, Chancellor Rosemary DePaolo.

One could almost believe that a college student newspaper editor would be dumb enough to libel a national columnist, even though his student paper only has a circulation of 4000. But there's really no excuse for the constant flow of malicious and false information that comes out of DePaolo's office. After all, she's old enough to know better.

Recently, I caught wind that the DePaolo administration was attempting to besmirch my reputation when the following was forwarded to me (it was a response to someone who was flaming – and I mean FLAMING! - mad over my now-infamous "How to Bomb a Gay Bath House" column):

The statements made by Dr. Adams in the Townhall column, - whether or not they are satire as he often claims - are deplorable. His statements are definitely not those of the University of North Carolina Wilmington. The first amendment protects not only Dr. Adams' right to free expression, but it protects yours as well. Therefore, you are encouraged to express your opinion by directly contacting, Adams_Mike [at] or

At first, I had to digest the illogic of the "it’s-offensive-if-he-meant-it-and-offensive-if-he-meant-the-opposite" remark. Then it occurred to me that the author of the response was suggesting that I sometimes "claim" to be using satire when I am not. I wondered whether the DePaolo administration could really be under the impression that I was a closet bath house bomber. So, naturally, I picked up the phone and gave them a call.

When the author of the above missive – actually it is probably safer to call it a Ms.ive – answered the phone, I took the Don Henley approach and went directly to the heart of the matter. I ask her whether she had issued the short statement without reading all five of the columns in the series on Julio Pino. Naturally, she did not know who Julio Pino was and, eventually, she admitted to reading only one of the five columns before issuing the short statement on behalf of the university.

I then tried to slowly explain that the series was not about gays but, instead, about the fifth column. But she didn’t understand that when I write a series on the fifth column you aren't supposed to ignore the first, second, third, and fourth column. This is especially true during a time of war.

But the discussion didn't get too far before the university official stopped to ask me a crucial question: "Mike, how could you claim to be a born again Christian and say the things you say in your column?"

Naturally, I was flabbergasted by the idea of a UNCW official questioning my Christianity. Even if she did it as a "fellow Christian" it's about as silly as Richard Simmons questioning someone's masculinity.

But, rather than losing my cool, I asked the UNCW administrator a simple question: "Could you give me an example?"

Her response was: “Why don’t you give me one?”

In other words, the DePaolo administration is responsible for levying accusations, but they don't have to supply the proof. I suppose it's the job of the accused to offer proof against the accused.

Before I could digest the "why-I'm-a-better-Christian-than-you-even-though-I-can't-name-anything-un-Christian-you've-done" charge, she was at it again. This time she was complaining about how much time the administration spends answering complaints about my free speech. This culminated with a request that I stop putting my university affiliation on the bottom of my columns.

I was also accused by the administrator of having a special talent for twisting people's words to make them sound stupid. I disagree. UNCW officials don't need to have their words twisted to sound stupid. Their direct quotes are generally too stupid to be fabricated or embellished in any way.

Towards the end of the conversation, I had to gently place the phone down after repeating the phrase "The next voice you will hear will be that of my lawyer" twice. I didn't mean to hang up but when a UNCW administrator starts raising her voice and interrupting every sentence you know that it's time to get off the phone.

But the depth of UNCW's potential defamation of its only unapologetically conservative professor was not fully gauged until I got a call from one of my fellow conservative professors from ECU. She had called Kent State in order to complain about Julio Pino and ended up getting an earful about Mike Adams from the KSU spokesperson.

According to my source, KSU is now disseminating a false rumor that I have a) been threatened with multiple defamation suits and, b) avoided them by using a "satire" defense.

This is problematic for two reasons: First, even after writing over 400 columns, I have never been sued for any reason by anyone. Second, I have never avoided a suit by claiming "satire."

To make matters worse, my source is now claiming that KSU is getting its information from the DePaolo administration at UNCW.

I've known for weeks that KSU was defending a Jihadist professor by attempting to smear my reputation. Now, I'm going to have to find out whether my employer has been helping them out.

If UNCW officials are indeed involved in this unspeakably unethical conduct, they will soon pay a very dear price in a very public way.

…To be continued.