Circuit Ciudad

Posted: Jun 20, 2006 12:05 AM

Dear Circuit City:

After visiting one of your stores recently – the one on Market Street in Wilmington, North Carolina – I’m afraid I will have to add you to my list of businesses I’m boycotting in 2006. The boycott stems from your misguided decision to provide customers with a better selection of “Musica Latina” than Country music CDs. In America, this is simply unacceptable.

Were your store to provide slightly more Latin than Country CDs, we could have worked this out in a quiet manner. But, today, I noticed that there were nine sections of “Musica Latina” to only one section of Country Music in your Wilmington store. As we say in the South, “that dog don’t hunt.” And I won’t be hunting for CDs at Circuit City until the store corrects the imbalance and adds multiple copies of all of the following Country Music classics:

I Am What I Am, by George Jones. I really can’t imagine what you were thinking when you stocked a CD section without this 1980 classic. The disk’s first song, “He stopped loving her today” is probably the best country song ever written. As you are ordering multiple copies of this disk, you might try humming the words “He stopped shopping here today.” I hope I’m making my point, ladies and gentlemen.

At Folsom Prison, by Johnny Cash. You really dishonor the memory of Johnny Cash with this omission. That you have the “greatest hits” of Menudo instead of this live country classic shows just how far you’ve fallen. Many of Wilmington’s illegal aliens were once incarcerated in California. Therefore, Cash’s Folsom Prison disk has true multi-cultural appeal.

Waylon Live, by Waylon Jennings. At first, I was shocked by this omission. Then, I remembered that this classic 1976 live performance contains the song “Ain’t no God in Mexico.” Perhaps that is why you overlooked this one. But, please, don’t worry about offending your Mexican customers. Most of them can’t speak English. If they ask, just tell them the song is called “Ain’t no jobs in Mexico.”

Straight to Hell, by Hank Williams III. Hank III is probably the best of the present generation of country singers. The songs “Country Heroes” and “Low Down” are among my favorites on this 2006 release. And the title should serve as a reminder that if you don’t add more country to your music section, your profits next quarter are going straight to hell.

Good Times, by Charlie Robison. On this 2004 disk, Charlie has a song called “Always,” which features the following line: “Well believe me when I tell you that this old world is flat. ‘Cause I can always see you no matter where I’m at.” Tell me that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye faster than a tune by Ricky Martin? Where’s the justice in this?

40 #1 Hits, by Merle Haggard. Speaking of justice, you can’t appreciate the greatness of prisoner-turned-country-legend Merle Haggard without a good overview of his chart toppers. Songs like “The fightin’ side of me” are as relevant today as they were a third of a century ago. If you want a smaller dose of Haggard, I would recommend stocking the classic “Big City,” better known to some of your customers as “Ciudad Grande.”

The Essential David Allan Coe, by David Allan Coe. My favorite song on this disk is “Mona Lisa Lost Her Smile.” In case you were wondering, she lost her smile for two reasons. First, the CMA has never given Coe the respect that he deserves. Second, you can hardly find any David Allan Coe CDs at Circuit City in Wilmington. And that isn’t anything to smile about.

Turn Back the Years – The Essential Hank Williams Collection, by Hank Williams. There are a lot of Hank collections out there but this is the best. Rather than listing his hits chronologically, this 2005 three-disk release groups the songs thematically. For example, the first disk “Honky Tonkin’” features barroom classics like “Moanin’ the Blues,” which is exactly what Circuit City will be doing if they don’t stock up on this one soon.

So, there you have it, Circuit City. I’ve articulated – loudly, clearly, and best of all, in English - my problem with your business. I’ve also articulated a solution. As the late, great Hank Williams would say “Yer gonna change, or I’m a-gonna leave.”