Most of these quotes are paraphrased because they were not recorded soon enough after I heard them for exact duplication. But no subtle nuance in wording can alter the idiocy these paraphrases contain. And, sadly, 100% of them come from college professors and students at our so-called institutions of higher learning. I hope they entertain you as much as they entertained me - although something tells me they will irritate more than a few readers:
10. “911 was a conspiracy planned between the Bush administration and the Jews. They wanted an excuse to attack Arabs and the ignorant public bought into it.” (from a now-deceased college professor).
9. “I don’t want any teacher who supports George W. Bush. If Bush is elected he’s planning – along with the rest of the Republicans - to bring back slavery. I don’t want to work picking cotton in the cotton fields like my ancestors.” (college student).
8. “It is a known fact that the Reagan administration invented crack to destroy the black community.” (college professor).
7. “The Reagan administration hired Jewish doctors to develop the AIDS virus to destroy Africa.” (college professor).
6. “The Mona Lisa was painted by an African artist and stolen from a museum in Ethiopia. Most of the great works of art are African in origin and stolen by white people. This is done to promote the myth of white cultural superiority.” (graduate student).
5. “The voting machines in Florida were built by white supremacists. They may well be able to distinguish between black and white voters. Who knows what they are capable of making those machines do?” (college professor).
4. “Newt Gingrich’s election as Speaker of the House, limiting affirmative action, limiting welfare, the Republican tax cuts, and the balanced budget are all part of the same idea. Everything the Republicans do or discuss is about racism. Everything is a well-orchestrated effort to keep the black man down.” (college professor).
3. “The ABC news doesn’t tell you. The CBS news doesn’t tell you. The NBC news doesn’t tell you. Even CNN doesn’t tell you. Nobody tells the truth that almost all serial killers are white. The news outlets all work together to make folks think that all killers are black.” (college professor and diversity director).
2. “The death penalty is a genocidal mechanism that seeks to control black people through extermination or, more importantly, the threat of extermination.” (college professor).
1. “It is a proven fact that U.S. Coast Guard ships – on orders from President Bush – were seen crashing into the New Orleans levees during Hurricane Katrina. Bush did it to kill black people living in government housing projects.” (college student).
If you haven’t been following the campus cultural wars lately, you might find it hard to believe that some of those quotes were actually uttered. But if you have worked or studied on a campus lately, chances are you’ve heard variations of several of them.
Since these crazy conspiracy theories have become more common in the age of diversity - that is, over the last fifteen years - I propose that we put them to good use. First, we should collect the wackiest conspiracy quotes and post them on the walls of the various diversity office bulletin boards – all with proper attributions, of course. (You can send your favorites to http://www.DrAdams.org).
Next, I propose that we rename all of the “African American” and “Diversity” programs on college campuses in honor of their help in promoting racial paranoia on the university (and American) landscape. From now on, we could call them “Woefully Hypocritical Initiatives for Never-Ending Racial Scapegoating.”
Or - if our universities ever decide that budgeting scarce resources is important – we could save time and ink by calling them WHINERS. One could hardly conspire to find a better name.