The Suggestion Box, Part II

Posted: Nov 15, 2005 12:05 AM

Dear Mr. Garthwaite:

I wanted to drop you a note to let you know that our university is distancing itself from the professor you recently criticized on We have not only condemned his remarks but have also removed his name from the university website. Fortunately, he is not employed here as an instructor this semester. We can and will refrain from hiring him again as he has only been used on an “as needed” basis for a few semesters.

The professor’s remarks concerning the need to “exterminate” all white people off the “face of the planet” are entirely unacceptable. We are in agreement on this issue. Please tell your columnists Mike Adams and Michelle Malkin that they may now move on to other stories on Town Hall and on their personal websites. We look forward to putting this behind us.

Thank you,


Dear Mr. Garthwaite:

Thw [sic] Women’s Center is respectfully requesting that you remove the hyperlink from your recent Town Hall article concerning our apparent breach of our own sexual harassment policy. It is true that our university does not allow speech that implies inferiority on the basis of gender regarding the completion of any task or inferiority in any professional position. Thus, our website’s statement that “behind every successful man, there is a surprised woman” does seem to conflict with our stated policies. But, since we removed that quotation from our site about two and one-half hours after your column appeared, we feel that it would be fair for you to remove your column asserting ypocrisy [sic] on our behalf.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation,


Dear Mr. Garthwaite:

I hope you will not mind this anonymous letter, which I send merely to express my gratitude for all that you do at Town Hall. I am a conservative college administrator (yes, we do exist) who enjoys your site on a daily basis.

I also want to share a funny story about my university. After a series of columns attacking our women’s center, the director decided to step down. My sources tell me that your website’s exposure caused her to want to “hide beneath her desk” every time you posted a column on the Center’s antics (such as last year’s Vagina Monologues).

But here is the funny part.

After the search for a new Women’s Center Director was completed, there was an interesting aspect of the salary negotiations. After the Provost thought they had reached an agreement, the new Director asked for an additional bonus to compensate her for the grief she would be getting from The funny part is that they actually gave it to her.

What a load of money they would save if they just shut down the WRC and sent you a donation! Anyway, in the event that some liberal sends you “hush” money, I thought I would include a small donation to keep things in proper balance.

Keep up the good work!

Mike S. Adams is a Jonathan Swift Professor of Parody and Satire at the University of North Carolina at Wonderland (UNC-W).