Dear UNC-Wonderland Board of Trustees:
As the proud parent of a recent graduate of UNC-Wonderland (UNCW), I want to thank you for providing such interesting reading material for those of us attending post-graduation ceremonies last Saturday in the university union. Because of the long graduation ceremony, the departmental reception for sociology graduates was postponed for about forty-five minutes. During our wait, we really needed something to read.
After unsuccessfully searching the union lobby for a copy of the local newspaper, we came across a whole stack of the most recent issue of Queer Notes. I know that the school provides free copies of the magazine as a part of ?project B-Glad.? In keeping with the university?s emphasis on diversity, a stack of another gay magazine, The Front Page, was also provided for our reading enjoyment.
Our family was thrilled to see a picture of half a dozen female impersonators in an advertisement for a ?theatrical style drag? production. We plan to take our son there as a graduation present. His grandparents, who were also attending graduation, said that they wanted to be there, too.
Later, as we looked through the entire magazine, we saw so many advertisements for drag shows that we couldn?t decide which one to attend. Who can say whether ?Boom Boom Latour? or ?Coco Chanel? puts on a better show? And what exactly is a ?glow stick party? where the club owners brag that ?we do everything??
Grandma really liked the picture of the nude man who was mooning the camera as part of the gay stripper advertisement on page 24. Actually ?nude? is an unfair characterization. His pants were only pulled down far enough to fully expose his rear end to all of the parents and grandparents waiting for the final graduation ceremony. Engrossed as we all were, we could still hear ?pomp and circumstance? playing in the background.
Compliments aside, we were a little confused by the ?free beer? advertisements that were printed in Queer Notes. We didn?t know that the university promoted alcohol abuse. But the picture of the cowboy grabbing his crotch (just above the ad) reminded us that tolerance was the theme of this particular publication. Grandpa thought the article on Gay Pride Day in Bombay was particularly informative. He thought it was really moving to see how they bonded with the ?queers from Calcutta? in a show of Asian queer unity.
The article on the front page of The Front Page was called ?Nation Remains Divided over Same Sex Marriage.? It was a fine piece of journalism. Had we only watched Fox News, we would have been under the impression that gay marriage was banned in eleven of the eleven states considering the issue this election year. We really need to purchase gay magazines with public funds. Put simply, we must counteract the right wing media?s distortion of the gay marriage issue.
We really enjoyed reading this second gay magazine because it had great ads for books that Queer Notes omits entirely. In fact, Grandpa just ordered ?Queer Astrology for Women? on amazon.com. We also found some great Christmas cards in this exciting magazine. The one with the naked man holding mistletoe over his head with one hand and covering his genitals with the Christmas ornament is going out to all of our friends this season. We?re even sending one to the Office of Campus Diversity to show our appreciation.
We are also sending Chancellor DePaolo a copy of the ?hairy studs? calendar we ordered from the magazine. Thank God they accept Visa and MasterCard. Finally, a place where we can do all of our Holiday shopping without leaving home!
We didn?t see the previous issue of Queer Notes, which contained a picture of two naked men engaged in sodomy. But we saw enough to know that this is a serious university spending public funds on a diversity mission that benefits us all. That is why we intend to give UNC-Wonderland all of the financial support it deserves.
Enclosed is a check to the university for $0.02. After reading the garbage you buy with my tax dollars, I just needed to put in my two cents worth.