Unanswered questions: 2004 (Part II)

Posted: Oct 19, 2004 12:00 AM
Before a recent speech at the University of Georgia, a member of the audience asked me when I would write another installment in my ?unanswered questions? series. Well, here it is:

Survival of the least fit. At my university, a liberal secretary once claimed that she was made ?uncomfortable? by a conservative professor who was decrying liberal academic bias in her presence. Shortly thereafter, she send an email to her entire department (conservative professor included) decrying a perceived instance of conservative bias at another university. Is the secretary unaware that her position (conservatives cannot discuss liberal bias but liberals can discuss conservative bias) is, in fact, evidence of liberal bias? Would the suggestion that she suffers from severe intellectual hernia make her feel uncomfortable? Would it be sexist? Have campus speech codes merely guaranteed the survival of the speech of emotional misfits? Are speech codes thus the reason for the devolution of political discourse on college campuses?

Homogeneity. My university recently sponsored a ?forum? on gay marriage with six pro-gay marriage speakers. If diversity is the same thing as heterogeneity, then why was the ?forum? so ?homo?-geneous? Is it all right to call an expert on gay issues a ?homo? genius? And what do you call an expert on straight issues? Is he a ?hetero? genius?

Satire. Last year, I wrote a satire on NAMBLA, which suggested that pedophilia would soon be celebrated as an ?alternate lifestyle? by some university Offices of Student Life (OSLs). After UNC-Greensboro?s decision to hire a convicted pedophile to work in its OSL, will I ever be able to write another satire?

Michael Jackson. Is there any truth to the rumor that Michael Jackson is about to open a toy store called ?Boys R Us?? Will UNC-Greensboro provide a link to ?Boys R Us? on their university website?

The Georgia Tech Diversity Reck. When I recently gave a speech to the College Republicans (CRs) at Georgia Tech, the group was displaced from a room they had reserved specifically for my speech. The university was having a ?stop stereotypes? diversity seminar that day. They were also sponsoring special counseling sessions for students, preparing them to come out of the closet on ?National Coming Out Day.?

When the CRs tried to post a notice that the speech had been moved, a university employee said that the poster (showing my name and picture next to an American flag) ?might be offensive to some students.? Is one university employee?s prediction that a form of speech ?might be offensive to some students? sufficient to trump the First Amendment at Georgia Tech? Did they seriously think that such a stupid remark would not appear in one of my columns? And why was a Georgia Tech student recently forced to take down an American flag posted above his desk just because it offended a foreign student? Wouldn?t it be easier to tell the ?offended? student to get the hell out of the country?

Hemingway and hate speech. The other day, I was reading A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway. In the second chapter of the book, he recounted a conversation he once had with Gertrude Stein on the topic of homosexuality. He quoted her as saying: ?(T)he act male homosexuals commit is ugly and repugnant and afterwards they are disgusted with themselves. They drink and take drugs, to palliate this, but they are disgusted with the act and they are always changing partners and cannot be really happy.? I can?t understand why college professors aren?t assigning Hemingway very often these days. Can you?

Masturbation workshops. When Grinnell College initiated its ?masturbation workshops? and its ?vagina week,? what were they thinking? And who runs the masturbation workshops? How do they compete for the directorship of such a workshop? Do they have a resume that boasts of their experience in this area of expertise? Does someone who has been practicing the art of self-stimulation for ten years get the nod over someone with only eight years of experience? Is age discrimination a potential problem, here? Does anyone else have a bad feeling about this?

Tolstoy and tolerance. Instead of talking about feminism and ?queer literature? in the classroom, when will college English professors return to teaching the great works of literature? The first paragraph of Anna Karenina reads: ?Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.? Isn?t that the truth? Is there any better way to summarize the lie of diversity and moral relativism? Don?t children who understand this have a better chance of finding true happiness? Don?t we want our children to be happy? And, finally, how can that happen when they are being taught by those who are so utterly miserable?

Beautiful conservative columnists. Why do people always write me to express their opinion on the question of ?who is the most beautiful conservative columnist in America?? And why do they always argue about whether it is Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin? Isn?t it obvious that the most beautiful and classy conservative writer is Phyllis Schlafley? And just because Phyllis is too classy to comment about how ugly and angry most liberal feminist columnists are, does that mean that I can?t? And when will Heather Nauert start to write a column? Man, is she good looking or what? And, finally, is my wife reading this?

You can listen to Mike Adams? ?University Urinalysis? commentary on www.clashradio.com .