Why “Daffy Duck” Is Obama’s Obvious Choice To Replace Justice Souter

Kevin James
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Posted: May 04, 2009 12:00 AM
Listening to the mainstream media, cable news shows, Democrats and the Left all practice “racial profiling” and “identity politics” to the highest degree in their debate over who should replace Justice David H. Souter on the Supreme Court – while conveniently avoiding that pesky term “qualifications” – I am convinced that President Obama’s choice is obvious. “Daffy Duck” should replace Justice Souter.

Here are seven (7) reasons why:

1. We have never had a duck sit on the Supreme Court. I am sure that our nation has a history of insensitivity toward “duck rights.”

2. Daffy is a black duck. Therefore, Daffy’s selection will satisfy those calling on the President to select a minority.

3. Daffy could be a gender neutral duck. While I recognize that we have assumed for more than a generation that Daffy is male, the name “Daffy” could be short for “Daphne”, and although Daffy almost always appears without clothing, I don’t know of anyone that can actually prove Daffy is male. This only adds to the satisfaction of those calling on the President to choose a minority.

4. Daffy is a disabled duck. Daffy has a severe speech impediment. Although Daffy’s lisp could become fodder for the late-night talk show circuit and “Saturday Night Live” when Daffy asks important questions of high-profile attorneys during Court hearings and has back-and-forth debate with those lawyers, it will certainly be worth any potential embarrassment as Daffy’s selection will satisfy President Obama’s goal stated on Friday that he wants a Justice “with ‘empathy’ for ‘people’s hopes and struggles.’”

5. Daffy is a professional victim. Over the years, Daffy has been hunted, shot at, de-feathered and wrongfully imprisoned. For left-wing satisfaction level, see number 4, above.

6. Daffy is a member of the Hollywood elite. A long-time employee of Warner Bros., Daffy’s Hollywood connections will definitely please Democrats and the party will almost certainly see a spike in fundraising from the entertainment industry. This will satisfy those who want the President to choose a “highprofile, clear-cut liberal” as set forth in the Los Angeles Times story on May 2.

7. After many years as a successful actor, Daffy has not only mastered the art of memorizing a script written by professional writers, Daffy also has great command of a teleprompter. This will please the President.