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Everything We Know For Federal Bailout We Got From Nigerian E-Mail

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

To: [Undisclosed recipients]
From: The White House

My fellow Americans,

I am TOP OFFICIAL IN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT who have confidence in your ability and reliability to prosecute a TRANSACTION REQUIRING YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION.

We in federal government are interested in PURCHASE OF TROUBLED ASSETS with VALUE WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED in housing market crash. In order to commence this business we solicit your assistance to enable us to transfer into YOUR PUBLIC REVENUE ACCOUNT in Washington District of Columbia the said trapped assets.

The source of this fund is as follows: During PREVIOUS REGIME, government officials set up enterprises and policies which were GROSSLY DISTORT normal market risk mechanism. Many private financial institutions made BIG MISTAKE and now much value is TRAPPED. This is BIG OPPORTUNITY FOR US.

However, by virtue of our position as civil servants and members of this government, we cannot acquire this money in our names. I have therefore been delegated as a matter of TRUST by my fellow officials to look for OUT OF WASHINGTON PARTNERS upon whose PUBLIC ACCOUNT we would transfer PROFIT on the SUM OF 700,000,000,000 US$ (SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS). Hence I am writing you this email communication.

We have agreed to share the money thus: 100% (ONE HUNDRED PERCENT) of the profits of the appreciation of value of these assets to go to our taxpayer partners in PUBLIC ACCOUNT in Washington District of Columbia. You authorize our use of public account to purchase these assets, and then we will sell them sometime for MAKING GIANT PROFIT. Even if small chance no profit is made, I have pledge to fellow officials to propose bill to get money back in five years.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE and we hope to commence the transaction AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. We must ACT NOW to take advantage of this ONCE-IN-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY for MAKE MONEY NOW.

We are looking forward to doing business with you and solicit your confidence in this transaction. Please acknowledge receipt of this email by DOING NOTHING. Please DO NOT CALL us in Washington any more. We will send you detailed information of this pending project when we STOP HEARING FROM YOU.



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