How Dads Can Avoid Billy Ray’s Regrets

Posted: Feb 20, 2011 12:01 AM
How Dads Can Avoid Billy Ray’s Regrets

I can’t imagine watching a video of my 18-year-old daughter on TV, high as a kite, sucking on a bong, speaking gibberish, posing for semi-nude photos and laying all over a bunch of tweenage horndogs attempting to imitate an episode of Skins while knowing that there’s pretty much nothing I can do about her bad behavior but talk to Jesus and weep.

That sad and avoidable scenario I just painted has been Billy Ray Cyrus’ reality of late as he watches his famous daughter Miley follow Anna Nicole Smith’s path of doom (Billy Ray’s words, not mine).

In next month’s , Cyrus the Senior states that he screwed up with Miley the Younger by allowing the dipsticks at Disney to hijack her soul and turn her into a narcissistic cash calf who takes her cues from immoral and greedy SOBs instead of Christ and common sense.

Not only did Billy lament the putrid path Miley’s “wholesome” Disney “handlers” took her down, but he was particularly POed at how they separated her from him and helped destroy his marriage just to make royalties off his little girl.

“But at least Billy Ray is rich,” some of you are undoubtedly thinking. Yeah, money’s a cure for all ills, eh dork? Well, BRC doesn’t think so and went on to say that if he had it to do all over again that he would not have let Miley get into the industry and would rather have had a sane, sober and safe offspring at home rather than millions of dollars, a Disney show and a daughter who imitates Snookie.

Now, I’m not here to beat up on Billy Ray, but Billy … what were you thinkin’, brother? You let hellish Hollywood run your life and your kid’s life. What did you think was going to happen? Those diphthongs in Tinsel Town don’t give two flips whether or not you and your kid live or die as long as their checks clear. Therefore, as you well know by now, they’ll push your kid and others to take kiddie porn pics, grind a pole at a Teen Choice award, shack up with a Justin Timberlake wannabe for PR and smoke salvia (yeah, right) if it’ll bank them some Benjamins.

I hope all fathers far and wide learn the serious moral in the Cyrus GQ story. Here’s what I gleaned from Billy Ray’s requiem:

1. Fame is BS. You can have it one year and be a drunken alley cat the next. So when it comes to your kids, focus on longevity, character, excellence, righteousness and true grit. True success is the business of greatness. And fame? Well, to be famous nowadays all a decent-looking girl has to do is get a boob job and sport the willingness to flash her va-jay-jay when she gets out of her car on Rodeo Drive. If she does that then BOOM! She’s a star!

2. If you, parent, put your little kid into the entertainment industry then you need to have your head examined—especially the inbreds who’re pushing their tots into kiddie beauty pageants. Lord, have mercy.

3. Trust no one who says they’re “here to help you and your kid’s career.” Being the dad of one famous daughter and one who’s well on her way, I can tell you that stringent oversight from me and those who loved my kids before they became sliced bread is the shrewd way to proceed with scum-sucking parasites seeking to feed off their success. Yes, feel free to fire, defriend and tell off any fool who gets in your way with what you know to be holy, just and true.

4. If anyone tries to put a wedge between you and your child, kick his or her a**.

5. Go online and show your kids what STDs look like when they’ve taken root in a promiscuous body. That’s an eye opener. FYI regarding STDs, kiddies: They’re not the walk in the park that the herpes commercials make them out to be, and there is, according to the Centers for Disease Control, a 25% chance that you’ll get one before you turn 20 and keep it until you take the big dirt nap. It’s so much fun!

6. Have your kids Google the economic stats of single moms.

7. Also, have your kids study the life lessons of those cute little stars who were destroyed through their inability to navigate through the minefield of pop culture crassness. That’s a sober and brutal cup of Joe.

I guarantee if Billy Ray wasn’t a man of prayer before, he sure as heck is one now because his hands are tied legally, and there ain’t a whole lot he can do to personally intervene. A heavenly intervention is probably the only way Hannah Montana will wake the hell up and follow heaven’s path versus that of her Beavis and Butthead buddies.

Parents, especially you fathers of girls, if you want to avoid the achy breaky heart Billy Ray is now experiencing then purchase my latest book, available now as a pre-sale titled, Raising Righteous & Rowdy Girls.

Pat Caddell, Fox News Contributor, says of my book, “Through every raucous and no-holds-barred page, Doug, the incomparable Dad Drill Sergeant, puts mere men through the paces to join the ranks of the few, the proud, and the successful fathers of super daughters. The proof of Doug Giles’ gold-plated credentials are Hannah and Regis Giles—two of the most fantastic, great hearted and accomplished young ladies I have ever known. This is THE BOOK that I will be giving the father of my two precious five- and three-year-old granddaughters. Tiger Mom, meet Lion Dad!”