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A New Song for Bruce Springsteen: Banned in the USA

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

This past week blood spurted from my eyes like a horny toad I caught back in the 7th grade. What caused the ominous stream to emanate from my tear ducts and then travel a distance of three feet, you ask? Well, first of all, thank you for asking.

And since you’ve been so sweet to inquire about what drew my ire, here’s this week’s lousy list:

1. AG Eric Holder waffles on saying whether or not radical Islam was remotely responsible for the Fort Hood massacre, the attempted Christmas Day crotch bombing and the failed Times Square attack. I’ve got two words for the aforementioned AG: “Allahu Akbar!”

2. Holder 2.0’s condemnation of Arizona’s SB1070 coming before he admittedly even read the damn thing

Michelle Malkin

3. BHO’s appointment of Kagan to the SCOTUS—a lady who has problems with both the 1st and 2nd Amendments

4. Obama cutting NYC’s Homeland Security cash 11 days after the Times Square car bomb attempt while he bails out the Greek goobers with mega money

5. Viewing a cute 13-year-old girl talk about getting chided by a public schoolteacher for drawing an American flag …

6. And that would be the same American flag that Mexican high school students in California threw to the ground this week in one of many Cali and Arizona displays of illegal alien disdain for Old Glory

These combined events caused my blue eyes to turn red. Oft times when I get angst-addled my pen suffers, which makes it difficult for me articulate how I truly feel in a short op-ed. Like Jim Croce, my words just come out wrong, so I’ll have to express my emotions in a song.

Now, before my lefty critics queue up to criticize my poetic skills below, let me state here and now that I suck at songwriting. Having said that, I suck less than you do.

Yes, I fully realize that I am no Bono. (By the way, shouldn’t Bono and Bon Jovi be writing songs about Nashville and doing telethons to raise money for the Music City? What’s the matter Bono and Jon? Nashville not liberal enough for U2? Too many white Christians concentrated along the Cumberland for you to be encumbered by their plight? I know … there is no George Bush to blame! That’s it. It was staring me right in the face and I didn’t see it. No Bush, no bash. I’m so slow, I know. That’s probably why my first dog left me. )

Anyway, without further ado here’s a song about America and the gross road these socialists are trying to take it down (to be sung to the tune of “Born in the USA,” by Bruce Springsteen):

Banned in the USA. Clap your hands.

Draw a picture of the president
Teacher says boy our taxes well spent
Pen a picture of the American flag
The same teacher turns into a witch and a nag

Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA

Grandpa’s told that he cannot pray
Crosses vandalized ‘n ripped off in the Mojave
Our founders wouldn’t have it this way
Our religious liberty has become so passé.

Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA

Freedom lovers are our great asset
Napolitano calls ‘em security threats.
Moms and pops who wouldn’t hurt a fly
Obama and his boys now love to despise.

Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Banned in the USA
Our Constitution is our great gain
The lefties treat it with such disdain
They’re workin’ hard to strip our rights
Our good is evil
And our wrongs are rights

I’m a patience-gone daddy in the USA
Banned in the USA
I’m a scrappy rocking daddy in the USA
Banned in the USA

(Music video forthcoming.)

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