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The Vagina Monologues Chick Speaks Out of Her Backside Regarding Palin

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

I feel sorry for the Haitians devastated by the recent earthquake and the people getting slaughtered in Darfur, but you know who else I feel sorry for? Joy Behar (The View) and Eve Ensler’s (Vagina Monologues) husbands.

God Almighty! The misery these men must endure being on the receiving end of such nerve-grating, men-hating, unfunny and unlovely cacklers. It’s got to be brutal. You just know, gentlemen, that living with one of those chicks would make the Hanoi Hilton look like a Puff Daddy party.

Game Change FREE

What’s that, you say? Behar and Ensler aren’t married? Wow. That’s a shocker—not.

Seeing that Behar and Ensler are not hitched saves me from asking Jesus to build their hubbies an Elvis Suite in heaven for when they die (or commit suicide) that’s fully stocked with Johnny Blue and Cohibas and staffed by Victoria’s Secret angels to dole out some celestial therapy—a little heavenly reparation for the earthly hell these chaps would have had to suffer. Oh well. I guess I should have googled it before I wrote all that.

Anyway, now that I don’t have to sweat the everlasting plight of Behar and Ensler’s unfortunate husbands, I would like to point out what these two slabs of beef did this past week to Sarah Palin, in case you missed Behar’s TV show on HLN (which I believe now stands for the Hellish Ladies Network).

Joy and Eve spent three and a half eye-burning, ear-screeching minutes blah-blah-blah-ing about how Sarah Palin, from an intelligence standpoint, hasn’t “evolved” yet.

Their proof that she’s failed to ascend the Darwinian ladder is that she doesn’t believe in specious global warming bollocks; she shoots wolves; she’s in favor of drilling for oil; she’s against killing babies in their mothers’ wombs; and she believes in a strong national defense which, according to Eve and Satan, I mean Joy, makes her an ignorant fascist.

Palin is ignorant? These two … uh … um … what should I call them? These two uh, “women,” are calling Palin out in regard to her intelligence? Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are!

If you, my dear reader, want to see some stupidity in all its daft, can’t-scrape-it-off- your-boots glory then you must read the Behar/Ensler February 8th transcript from HLN as they discuss how dumb Sarah is in a way that makes Kevin Federline sound like Bill Buckley.

I would love, just love, to see a no holds barred debate between Sarah and these two trolls on any pressing topic touching our nation at this present time. I’d go so far as to pay out of my personal piggy bank to sponsor a debate between Sarah and either of these two … uh, ladies … in my hometown of Miami, Florida, at the Mandarin Hotel. Palin would mop the floor with them, I guarantee.

Palin hasn’t evolved? Puh-lease. Man, envy is ugly, ain’t it? Here’s the thing that gets the goat of Behar, Ensler and every other man hating lesbian or feminist about Sarah: She is the exact opposite of what they are and what they support. She is extremely accomplished, is both hot and happy, loves God and limited government, and pretty much every American likes her and respects her for it except for the hagzilas at NOW.

Behar, Ensler and their ilk, on the other hand? Eh, not so much.

Here’s my prediction: As the nation continues to move away from Obama’s wet dream of euro-socializing the USofA and decisively drifts right of center, Palin’s stock (and that of other like-minded men and women) will continue to grow, which is very sad news for Joy. Yep, I predict that Behar’s ratings, much like Olbermann, Maddow, and Schultz’s, are going to drop lower than the tits on an obese dachshund’s belly.

Keep squawking, Joy. The more you flap about Palin not evolving and being ignorant, the quicker you’ll become a relic of past to the Cult of the Absurd.

(And be sure to check out my latest video, “A Time for Anger.”)

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