Welcome to Green Hell, Where You’re All a Bunch of Slaves

Posted: Mar 21, 2009 8:55 PM

If you thought the global warming climate clowns were bad before Obama ascended to the throne, you ain’t seen nothing yet with our new chartreuse Commander in Chief. Of course Barack, personally or professionally, won’t go green because it’s too “inconvenient” and way too expensive for his gig, but for us serfs schlepping in Obamaland we will have to worship the turf because, you see, we’re murdering the earth. Quit laughing. This is serious. I said quit laughing. The earth is dying, and it ain’t funny.

In PoMo America where bullcrap is alive and well, we’re going to be forced to exchange the worship of God for grass. In Bermuda We Trust. And if we don’t bow and kiss Pelosi and her tribe’s jade ring we could be used as human tiki torches to light her garden. Be afraid, plebeians. Be afraid.

After Obama was ACORNed into the White House, several black hip hop “artists” said that with the election of Barack the White House would soon morph into the Black House. I hate to break it to you, Ludacris, but you’re a day late and a few special interest groups short, as the off-their-frickin’-rocker global warming Gestapo are in line way ahead of you to paint 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue green, dawg. Fo’ shizzle, my nizzle.

Brace yourself, boys and girls, as we’re about to have green shoved up our backsides like never before. Yep, going emerald will soon move from being an Ed Begley, Jr./Daryl Hannah option and will quickly become a government dictate because climate change is a “fact,” or as Ron Burgundy would say, “It’s science.”

Never mind the little detail that a staggering 31,000 scientists refused to sign the UN’s “consensus” on global warming hysteria, compared to the paltry 2,000 bought off wizards who John Hancocked it.

Or the other little ditty that Steve Milloy of JunkScience.com points out in his new book Green Hell that “there is no scientific evidence indicating that carbon dioxide, much less man-made carbon dioxide emissions, control or even measurably impact global climate. This is true whether you look at data going back 650,000 years, data from the twentieth century, or even data from the past ten years. Alarmist predictions of climatic doom are based exclusively on hypothetical mathematical models that have never been validated against the real world.”

But that shouldn’t bother us because we’re little slaves. And garsh, Al Gore said we’re destroying the globe! We know that tub of lard would never lie to us, so we must march, march, march, march, march . . .

Not only is this insane, unproven and ridiculously expensive green “lifestyle” going to further wreck our crippled economy, but it’s also going to screw with our freedoms like never before. You remember your freedoms, don’t you? If the green police have their way that’s what your freedoms will be: namely, a memory in the corners of your mind of the way we were. (That’s the only time I will ever allude to Streisand.)

Check this out from Milloy and Green Hell, “It’s time you recognize that a great green tsunami is heading your way, threatening to wash away your standard of living and many of your liberties . . . your sense of the green movement may be that it simply advocates small lifestyle changes to benefit the environment. But the green agenda, in fact, is much more ambitious; it promotes countless new restrictions and regulations designed to reorder society from top to bottom . . . living on a smaller, more inconvenient, more uncomfortable, more expensive, less enjoyable, and less hopeful scale . . . It’s about you living under the green thumb.”

Yep, the green police want to control what you eat, what you grow, what you drive, how you play, how you party, what you smoke, how many times your cow can fart, where you travel, what kind of crapper you have, whether you use tap or bottled water, and the square footage of your home. Isn’t that nice?

Welcome to green hell, you bastards. Get ready to have the rat cage strapped to your face. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I absolutely hate being told what to do and where to do it—especially for bogus, hello, reasons.

For instance, if I buy a small car it will be because I want to buy a small car. I bought my wife a beautiful Mini CooperS, not because some green jackass shamed us into it but because it is a screaming little high-quality ride, a veritable street legal go cart that she can park in a mailbox, which is important in a place like Miami (not to mention she looks smoking hot in it, as well).

However, now that we, the slaves of Obamaland, are being humiliated by “them” to get a Thumbelina car that goes at a top speed of 20mph and runs on Balinese spider monkey urine, I’ve decided to sell the Mini and get the Ford F-1150 Global Warmer with the Middle Finger Package that visibly melts the polar ice caps and turns the sky black when you crank it up. Matter of fact, I think I’ll get two: one for her to drive and one just to start and let run in my driveway.

Lastly, do yourself a favor—those of you who can still think freely—and get Steve Milloy’s new book Green Hell: How Environmentalists Plan to Ruin Your Life and What You Can Do to Stop Them. As the founder and editor of JunkScience.com, Steve Milloy has been monitoring the greens for over 13 years. Now, as many Americans wake up under this green thumb for the first time, Milloy can tell us what the greens are targeting first—and what we as American citizens can do to stop them.