Doug Giles’ Cure for The Obama Hangover

Doug Giles
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Posted: Feb 08, 2009 12:00 AM

The Obama Hangover is the pain a moderate Obama backer is now feeling after having been promised the moon and realizing they have instead . . . been mooned. It’s got to be humiliating watching your Mr. Hope & Change fumble these first few weeks like a leprous teen would his girlfriend’s bra.

You must be feelin’ like my buddy who recently got married to his eHarmony “soul mate” who turned out to have no soul nor the desire to mate.

It’s a similar vibe this dude we call “Awood” felt who was sold the bill of goods that LSD would cleanse his doors of perception, lead him to strawberry fields and unleash his creativity. The only thing Awood’s acid trip got him was shaved eyebrows, Bruce tattooed on his left shoulder and a twelve-hour conversation with a giant Raggedy Ann doll.

The Obama Hangover is kinda like . . . okay . . . I’ll stop.

I know it hurts. You feel screwed, glued and tattooed.

All of us demonic conservatives hate to say we told you so, but . . . we told you so. Obama’s no savior. He’s a socialist, a Jimmy Carter with a tan, tighter abs and minus the southern drawl.

No doubt, of course, the compost-brained, frequent idiot mile club liberals aren’t upset with Barack’s performance—or lack thereof—and are still fully aroused at the potential that their wet dream of turning America into Amsterdam might finally, finally, come true. And it will if the stimulus, or spending package as Obama calls it, gets through. They have the sweetest hangover; they don’t want to get over it.

But the moderates and the straight goofy evangelicals who blew off their heads for hype have got to be losing that killer buzz they’ve been stoned on for the last two years and are sitting on their couches eating dry Captain Crunch and saying what Michael Phelps must be saying right now, i.e. “What the hell was I thinking? What happened to the ‘fresh winds of change’ crap that we were told was going to blow inside the Beltway once O got enthroned? This ain’t Febreze, this is . . . Fa-fa-funky.”

Yep, with the appointment of four tax cheats, a Playboy-Penthouse-library porn lawyer to the DOJ, the acceleration of RuPaul rights, radical abortion edicts, the closing of Gitmo and the planned relocating of the detainees to our backyards, apologies to the Muslim world, a stimulus package that’s loaded with more pork than Larry the Cable Guy after a Denny’s Sausage Slam breakfast, and Pelosi doing her best Margot Kidder imitation, your glory boy is showing all the discernment of Paula Abdul.

His approval ratings are starting to tank as your head is beginning to pound.

Here’s whatcha gotta do to get some relief:

1. Tell yourself that God still loves you (He doesn’t like you much) even though you’re a culpable dork for this debacle.

2. Go to iTunes and download The Who’s song, “We Won’t Get Fooled Again.” Listen to that about fifty times.

3. Block the MSM and MSNBC on your remote.

4. Start watching Fox News.

5. Read everything Townhall.com posts every day ‘til Christ returns.

6. Repeat step #2.

7. Read Saul Alinsky’s book Rules for Radicals to understand Barack’s verbiage and where he intends to drive this nation.

8. Read Newt’s book, Real Change, Bernie’s book, Slobbering Love Affair, Delingpole’s book, Welcome to Obamaland and Barton’s book, Original Intent.

9. Get a sledgehammer and hit yourself with it.

10. Go look for all our cherished traditional American convictions that made our country great that your threw away and then once again esteem them.

11. Throw away your buttsmacker lip balm.

12. Say “yeah, right” one thousand times.

13. Repeat step #9.

14. Realize that the government is not your friend.

15. Repeat step #2.

And with that you should start feeling a little better and a little less guilty.

This is by no means a complete guide to cure your Obama Hangover. No doubt some of my readers have great remedies also, and I’d love for all of you to share your cures here with Townhall.com’s readers.

So . . . put down what you’re doing and lend a helping hand with your cures for all those now suffering from the Obama Hangover.

Let ‘er rip!