Fathers: Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Britney

Posted: Jul 19, 2008 6:00 PM
Fathers: Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Britney

Father, have you been to the mall lately and watched an unsupervised group of teenage girls get hit on by the ubiquitous male oxygen thieves? Pretty disturbing, eh? What’s even more mind numbing is the number of beautiful young ladies who actually give these scat based boys the time of day. Unreal.

Ticks you off now, doesn’t it?

If you have a pre-teen niña, then more than likely after watching those mall chicks capitulate to the weird male critter’s advances, you probably just swore to God that your daughter will never grow up to be one of “those girls” who would give one of those yard apes a second glance.

What about the junk on TV, dad? Have you switched on the idiot box and surfed around and seen the outrageous can’t-scrape-it-off-your-shoe compost the Manhattan marketing morons are trying to sell your young Sally before she hits puberty?

In the last few years Hollywood, public schools and universities, the music industry and fashion magazines have succeeded in making your girl feel weird if:

1. She doesn’t make out/sleep with a few chicks.

2. She doesn’t embrace being bad (as good is so, so passé and being a slut, well that’s totally awesome). It’s empowerment!

3. She doesn’t sleep with her zit-faced boyfriend, or at least dole out some ********, lest he become irate for being left high and dry. Yes, if she doesn’t service the young squire, he might get angry and shoot up the school or church or something.

4. She doesn’t drive drunk (heck, Paris, Britney, the Kardashians, Lindsay and Nicole have done it, and it appears they’re okay, right? I mean . . . they’re still on TV and they look pretty and stuff, so . . . it can’t be all that bad, now can it?)

5. She has problems with having a kid when she’s a kid.

6. She doesn’t take nude photos and videos of herself and send them around the planet via MySpace.com.

7. She doesn’t inflate her chest to basketball proportions.

8. She has thin lips and doesn’t inject fat from her butt to plump ‘em up.

9. She won’t date a greasy moron like Flava Flav in order to get on TV, or easy street, or at least capture the keys to a Kia.

10. She has a problem with being a stripper or a pirate hooker.

11. She has a problem being like one of Hef’s splooged-brain girlfriends who’ll have sex with a well-to-do octogenarian simply for his drachmas.

12. She has a problem with donning a Halloween porn costume for her middle school party.

If I were a woman I’d be pretty PO’ed as it appears that “secular progressives” within America have succeeded in making young women known and appreciated only if they’re a mud flap girl, a veritable catch rag for our orgasm-obsessed Onans. The empowered woman of today, dad, is the girl who wears a Hustler T-shirt, will strip on command and has no problemo whatsoever in turning her vagina into a Jiffy Lube. Good job, you secular “progressive” weeds.

The above mentioned cultural coarsening crapola spewed from demented minds of the secular jackanapes kind of makes a father want to get a lifetime supply of beef jerky, several AK-47s and MREs and move the wife and kids six hours north of BFE doesn’t it?

I understand the desire to move to a remote location and isolate your family from this defunct civilization. And I’ve thought about doing it many times. However, I’m not one to retreat. I who would rather live in defiance than duck and run. You cannot live fleeing from bad things all your life or you’ll end up living at Ted Kaczynski’s shack in Light a Fart, Wyoming.

I believe the key to raising girls who will not end up being a chunk of flotsam in our societal swamp is for the parents (in particular the dad) to simply and sacrificially give a flip about their daughter’s life. I call it the GAFF: THE GIVE A FLIP FACTOR. This is the Star Gate to raising stunning girls.

Listen, I don’t care where you hail from, big daddy; if you’re not nuttier than a squirrel turd and are engaged in making sure your baby is emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy, then she’ll be okay even if you guys live next door to Dennis Rodman. Conversely, you can move to Mayberry RFD, and if you disengage from your girl, trust me, she’ll find plenty of junk to get into in you “family friendly” city.

Yep, I believe engaged parents with traditional convictions can raise righteous and rowdy girls no matter how rank the environment is—but it won’t be easy. This is war, old man, and it must be fought with parental passion and persistence, fueled by God’s power and His proven wisdom–24/7 and 365. This must be done from the time your darling pops out of mamma’s belly until you give her hand in marriage to some worthy dude.