Don’t Send Your Kids to Publik Skule (If You Love Them)

Posted: Apr 12, 2008 5:31 PM

Did you catch the video this week of a student kicking the stuffing out of an art teacher in Baltimore, Maryland while the rest of the class cheered the pounding on? Y’know, if that teacher was moi, and some F-bomb dropping Darwinian throwback came over my desk to accost me, I’d grab my handy dandy scissors and plant ‘em in the feral teen’s skullcap, Jason Voorhees style.

From there I would proceed to snag the American flag from the corner of the room (if there was one) in order to stave off the rest of the flesh eating zombies ‘til Jason Statham came in with dual SKSes, spitting 154 grain FMJs, to assist with my safe exit.

As a teacher, I’d have painted on the front of my desk: DON’T TREAD ON ME—and I’d have the moxie to back it up.

Bumming a line from a movie with the late great Charlton Heston, it looks like the public schools (especially in the inner cities) are being run by “damned dirty apes.” The violent and obnoxious students are becoming emboldened in their bellicose behavior within the ridiculously overcrowded Public Stool System, and I believe we haven’t seen the half of this catastrophic snake. Teachers, you’d better have a serious plan in place—other than pushing a panic button—should you be next.

I’m not a prophet or a betting man, but (as stated) I’m a guessing it’s going to get worse. I’m talkin’ way bad (pardon my English; I went to Publik Skule). Mark my words. And I don’t care how much Obama talks about hope, or how many inspirational songs American Idol contestants cover, the dysfunctional die has been officially cast for increased chaos in the inner city classroom. Thank you, liberals.

We’ve got a stack of untamed teens who can’t do arithmetic doing the math and figuring out that they can bank street credit for their constant disruptions and violent attacks upon students and teachers with the penalty for their crimes being (maybe) a milquetoast slap on their tattooed wrist. Maybe. And the perks for their misbehaving? Well, they radically trump the mild and tame thump the delinquent gets on their never-utilized head.

Can you say, “Hello, pandemonium?” I knew you could.

Who the heck would want to be a teacher within such an out-of-control environment? I know if I were an undergrad with dreams of teaching “the next generation” within the Public Fool System, I think I’d switch majors after YouTubing the video of that teacher getting tenderized this week while the class was hooting and hollering.

Yep, I’d be looking for something less threatening like being a mole inside of an al-Qaeda death squad, or perhaps working as ranting Rosie’s personal assistant, or perhaps a vocation in neutering un-anesthetized, unusually angry wolverines.

It’s been four years since we pulled our teenage daughters out of the public school system and started to home school them, and I could kick myself for having waited so long. I owe you, girls. The educational, emotional, spiritual and physical progress they have made has been amazing. I’ve been ecstatically stunned at how they’ve aggressively embraced the new lease on their educational life.

Since we began this program, my oldest has graduated and is now in a great university and on her way to Boardwalk and Park Place. My other daughter is currently cruising through her online honors level classes as a girl uninterrupted.

Yep, it’s amazing that with their virtual schooling they actually get to study the basics, pursue their educational and athletic interests, and do it from wherever in the world they can get online (unlike public schools).

No longer do they have to wait for the 186% overcrowded class to decide to cease fighting and stop cussing and humping long enough that the teacher can teach the students how to write their name so that, later on in life, they can sign for their stuff once they leave whatever prison they’re in.