Barack Obama is a Powerful Speaker—And so is My Bose Bass Amp

Posted: Jan 12, 2008 9:07 PM

The words “change” and “Jesus” are being tossed around in this election more than Lindsay Lohan was by those three Italian dudes last New Year’s Eve. I’m getting burned out hearing both the word change and the name Jesus, and I like them both.

And I’m not the only one, either.

I heard yesterday that Jesus himself has just filed a request to change his name to Jesse because he’s so tired of hearing it dropped and his quotes being ripped out of context by politicians who didn’t give him the time of day until the elections came around.

Hillary and Barack have been beating the change drum like a coked up Keith Moon, now haven’t they?

Yes, the electric Barack Obama is hip to change, ladies and gents. Heck, he’s even placarded “change” on his podium. And Brian Williams and some other NBC dweebs are simply giddy like a bunch of school girls over his charisma. Meow Williams. That’s pretty Will and Grace, Brian ol’ boy. Extremely rollerbladerish, if you know what I mean.

BO is putting it out to the people that he is change crazy! Why do some people think that this junior state senator with the middle name Hussein can bring the alteration our nation needs? Well, it’s because he’s a sharp and powerful speaker. Oh yeah? So is the Bose bass amp in my FJ Cruiser. I believe people also said the same thing about Jim Jones. I’m not certain. I’m going to google it right after I shoot my neighbor’s cat with a BB gun.

Hillary, the Left’s femme fatale, is also peddling the whole “it’s time for a cool change” spiel, to which I say, hahahahahahahahaha. That’s funny Hillary! What are you really going to do? C’mon now . . . be serious.

I know in this day of ParisHiltonitis words don’t really mean that much, but for some of us fastidious folks we’d like the various candidates and their groupies, especially on the left, to clearly define what they mean when they Frisbee a word into the political fray such as “change.”

When you say “change,” do you guys mean:

• That our kids can once again start their day at public school with a moment of silence to pray and not have an ACLU laced atheist scream verboten?

• That we make English the official language of the United States of America, forever ending the automated “press 1 for English” prompt? Is that what you’re talking about? Because if you are, I’m cool with that.

• That we shrink our bloated government down like Star Jones after she had her paunch gut stapled?

• That we never have the reality of al Qaeda wanting to al-Kill Us scrubbed from our nation’s mind?

• That we realize that negotiating with demented terrorists is an exercise in futility?• That we make certain our military continues to be the most fearsome force on the face of the earth?

• That we bring about a single tax rate for everyone, with standard exemptions for each adult, married couple, and child dependant?

• That we drill our coasts for oil and thereby start the weaning process off the Middle East’s oil teat?

• That we build nuclear power plants to cut carbon emissions and reduce dependence on foreign oil?

• That we seal up our borders which now have bigger holes than the one’s in Rosie O’Donnell’s stockings after she tried to high step a barbed wire fence?

• That we, as a people, become anti-abortion? (As I am pretty certain that the voiceless baby inside its “inconvenienced” mother’s womb that’s in line to have its skull crushed would sure appreciate such a “change”).

• That we disallow Christianity to be deleted from the public square and allow—even cheer on—the influence of Judeo-Christian principles in our government, our educational systems and within our culture? If yes, bring on the change, baby!

• That we make the homosexuals who feel the need to have a public freak festival such as the Folsom Street Fair do that crap in private, like at Elton John’s house, verses a public street?

• That we end forever the insane idea of sanctuary cities for illegal aliens?

• That we don’t go anywhere near erecting some Nanny state which tells us what we can eat, or drink, or smoke, or what kind/how many guns we can own, or if we can spank our kids or not?

If the above is what you’re talking about, then let the revolution begin! If not, I don’t care who you are, how charismatic you come off, whether or not you’re TV friendly, or have the pathos of Oprah and the oratory skills of Demosthenes, hell would freeze over before you’d get my vote.

Americans in both parties believe we need change. No doubt if Barack or Hillary get into power they will change things—but it won’t be for the better. I believe they’ll take our nation’s current stinky diaper that woefully needs changing and replace it with an even fouler one.