10 Steps to Becoming an Effective Conservative Campus Hell Razer

Posted: Aug 04, 2007 10:20 PM
10 Steps to Becoming an Effective Conservative Campus Hell Razer

1. Get a sense of humor. Most liberal profs and student activists are a screeching, nerve grating, nasally bunch of whiners. As a matter of fact, I’d rather watch Janet Reno do jumping jacks and hack squats in Borat’s thong than listen to the hemp clothed, goatee bearing, chunky liberal bleat.

Therefore, conservative student, when you queue up to address your crowd, be pleasant, poke fun at yourself, remove the whine from your voice and use honed humor to humiliate the left. Getting folks to laugh at your opponents and not being rabid about taking yourself so seriously helps get your point across. To upgrade your general funniness, get Judy Carter’s book, Stand Up Comedy.

2. Get creative. God bless technology. Conservative rebels, you have at your fingertips the wherewithal to go creatively crazy for the cause of God and country with the real possibility of a stack of people seeing and hearing what you have got to offer.

Therefore, get nutty with your stuff. Utilize these amazing techno tools to tackle the tools on the left. Take your gift, your talent, your voice and your God-wired weirdness and, every now and then, put something artistic out there that’ll overtly or covertly slam dance the secularists who seek to sabotage our society. To upgrade your competitive creativity get Chasing Cool by Noah Kerner and Gene Pressman.

3. Get tough. One thing that drives me nuts about some Sally’s on the right is their bemoaning how they get attacked when they go public in the classroom with their sentiments. Whaa! What did you think the Ward Churchill’s were going to do, clap? Buy you candy? Wash your undercarriage? Look, not-so-sharp-holder-of-traditional-values, we’re in a very real culture war. The _ _ _ _ will hit the fan when you counter the liberal crud in the classroom. Embrace it. Suck it up. Get tough. Let adversity be your Wheaties, the breakfast of champions! If you want to upgrade your resiliency, get my book, The Bulldog Attitude: Get It or Get Left Behind.

4. Get prayerful. Most folks on the ludicrous left who embrace what 21st century Dhimmocrats currently spew are admitted atheists. Seeing that they don’t believe in the God who is, I’m a guessin’ they are probably not down the funnel with the discipline of prayer. That is, until they’re about to die. Then, of course, they start praying like Chris Tucker freshly filled with the Holy Ghost and fire. Since they refuse to believe and pray to God, they have no supernatural help in their hapless cause. At least no positive supernatural help, because we all know demons love to assist these guys. But I digress. . .

. The traditionalist (usually) believes in the God of the scripture . . . the God who’s got a will and way that He’d like to see implemented on the planet. This is cool; however, God follower, take it to the next level and start praying with faith and oomph for His will to be done on earth as it is in heaven (this includes your campus).

So . . . God-fearing traditionalist, ask God for a) crazy clout to change yourself so that you’re not a waste-oid He’s got to work around and b) for a dynamic enabling to effect constructive change on your campus and culture. To upgrade your prayer life, get E. M. Bounds’ classic, Power Through Prayer.

5. Get rebellious. When rebels see what “everyone else is doing,” they usually shoot it the finger and do the opposite. They know that more than likely there must be something fundamentally wrong with “it” if everyone thinks it is mondo jovial. Especially if many of the adherents of the en masse mantra put the funk in dysfunction.

At today’s universities, college student, you will be a radical if you don’t lock step to the secularization, slutification and wussification that these institutions and their devotees try to cram up your and America’s backside. So, put on your leather jacket, grab a nice cigar, climb on your Von Dutch and tell these God-, country-, goodness- and common sense-haters to get bent. Go against the grain. Stand alone if you have to. To upgrade your rebel yell, read Rosa Parks: My Story, by Rosa Parks, listen to some Godsmack and stand tall.

6. Get informed. Conservative contrarians, you’ve got to get the following books and read them:

a. The Politically Incorrect Guide to American History,

b. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Darwinism and Intelligent Design,

c. The Politically Incorrect Guide to English and American Literature,

d. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Global Warming and Environmentalism ,

e. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam (and the Crusades),

f. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Science,

g. The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Constitution,

h. The Politically Incorrect Guide to the South (and Why It Will Rise Again),

i. The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism, and

j. Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies, by Gregg Jackson

Digest the above and when appropriate, take some of the factoids found within these secularism devastating tomes and share them with your prof during class and your buddies in the dorm. It’s fun for the whole family.

7. Get speakers to your campus that’ll fire up your base. The Young America’s Foundation has an entire smorgasbord of world-class speakers covering every conceivable topic who can deftly dismember the left’s bereft beliefs. To upgrade your campus base, go to YAF.Org, order one of their ideological black belts and let the party start. In addition, you can book me to speak to your group. I’d love to come and toss the cat among the pigeons. Go to ClashRadio.com/seminars and let’s yuck it up! I’ll see the boys and girls at Duke in October. I’ll be talking about masculinity vs. bogus metrosexuality. Yeehaw!

8. Get sharp looking. Most campus Liberals have a monopoly on ugly. They are neither pleasing to the ear nor eye. Do not follow their lead, young conservative. If they want to look sloven, unshorn and tie-dyed let ‘em. You, however, should run in the opposite direction.

Don’t believe that crap about looks don’t matter. The heck they don’t. If I have the choice between these two options: 1) to look at and listen to an obese girl with frizzed out hair and so many piercings that it looks like a tackle box blew up in her face while she’s wearing no bra with her 40DDD floppies staring right at me while she is yelling or 2) to look at and listen to a svelte, well put together, conscientious lass graciously appealing to me, I am telling you right here and now that I’ll choose #2. The nasty girl has offended my senses, lost my attention and I could not care less what she has got to say. Call me crazy.

Girls, to upgrade your appearance, get A Guide to Elegance: For Every Woman Who Wants to Be Well and Properly Dressed on All Occasions by Genevieve Antoine Dariaux. Guys, grab a copy of Dressing the Man: Mastering the Art of Permanent Fashion by Alan Flusser and watch the difference the clothes make.

9. Get your grades up.

10. Get your hands dirty. Serve your campus and community. The world has enough of derisive, hate-filled protests and marches by ideological miscreants. While you’re in college, help in the critical areas of your campus and community’s needs and watch the campus and community give you a standing O.