Ahmadinejad: Nuttier than a squirrel turd

Posted: May 13, 2006 2:05 PM
When the heck did Mahmoud morph into Mr. Rogers? Did I miss something? Man, I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that week-long “How to Write so that You’ll be Relentlessly Blogged by Liberal Cry Babies” seminar. My high-grade narcissism and masochistic bents caused me to miss Iran’s President Ahmadinejad, a rabid, Jew-hating, holocaust-denying, nuke-pursuing, apocalyptic dreamer turn into an epistle-writing, global salve with a scraggly beard and windbreaker. And how the left loves this metamorphosis!

David Limbaugh points out in his latest column, “Fatherly Lessons from President Ahmadinejad,” that the AP, some liberal talk show hosts, Matt Lauer, Charlie Gibson, Senator Diane Feinstein and Satan (the Prince of Darkness) are all giddy over Mahmoud’s “thoughtfulness,” his “good ideas” for a comprehensive group hug, and his pithy WWJD appeals to President Bush in his “can’t we all just get along?” letter. Yes, the Left is singing, “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” after perusing this document.

However, when I read Ahmadinejad’s journaling, I started simultaneously laughing and gagging. This equated an intense abdominal work out for me. In addition, I lost my eye sight for a couple of hours because I rolled my eyes so hard and so often that they got stuck in the up position. That was freaky.

Honestly, I don’t believe Iran’s President actually penned the paper. If this guy would have written it, it would have:

A. Been written in black crayon.

B. Had way more exclamation points (because this dude’s a screamer!).

C. Probably flowed more like Charlie Manson did in his last parole hearing . . . kind of a Jim Morrison-meets-Zacharias Moussaoui, crazy-bat-dung-schlock type of letter. As discursive as the letter is, I don’t think we can attribute it to the hand of the Prez of Iran. This ridiculous and hypocritical tome was way too tame for Ahmadinejad to have jotted it down. I, personally, believe it was ghostwritten by either Ward Churchill or Jay Bennish.

Y’ know, as an apathetic cynic, always willing to believe the worst (as long as it takes as little effort as possible), when it comes to Iran, I tried to refrain from my yawning skepticism and give peace a chance; but I just couldn’t seem to delete from my brain the fact that Iran:

1. Is openly pursuing the development of nuclear weapons (and the ballistic and cruise missiles to deliver them).

2. Is the chief sponsor of Islamic terrorism.

3. Harbors al-Qaeda and other terrorists.

4. Indirectly supports al-Qaeda’s blood campaign in Iraq.

5. Controls the Hezbollah political-military movement in Lebanon.

6. Has turned Syria into a client state.

7. Dominates the Palestinian Authority after the resounding victory of Hamas in the Jan ‘06 elections in the Gaza Strip and Palestinian areas of the West Bank.

8. Supports the Badr Brigade and Mahdi Army in Iraq.

9. Has a long record of meddling in the domestic politics of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

10. Has threatened Israel with annihilation.

11. Is an avowed enemy of the USA.

12. Is a bedfellow with the two most anti-American regimes in Latin America: Cuba and Venezuela.

13. Has apocalyptic visions that make the Branch Davidians look sane.

14. Has nuclear ambitions that are not for the purpose of finding an energy alternative to help them cook falafels, but rather for the roasting of Christians, Jews and all other “infidels.”

These are just a few of the speed bumps that are sort of hard for me to get over just because Ahmadinejad has now written a letter to President Bush.

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