Have a Happy...

Posted: Nov 27, 2005 8:05 AM

What the heck is up with all the Merry Christmasphobia?  Especially within our Public School system where during this season they outlaw certain flowers, ban particular colors, prohibit the display of Santa’s image, bar Christmas trees and tie their tongues in knots trying to rename Christmas? 

Isn’t it odd that the Public School Admin wizards get their support hose wedgied regarding Christmas, all the while they seem to be extremely zealous about teaching our 1st -12th graders everything and more than what they need to know about sex?

Yeah, they’re cool with adding a fourth “R,” namely raunch, to the three basic “R’s” of education.  It appears to be no problemo to teach our young’uns how to masturbate, and school officials seem to be pretty breezy about hosting gay and lesbian clubs; but darn iit, you’d better not wear red and green, bring a poinsettia to your teacher, have a baby Jesus lying in a manger, whistle “Silent Night” or have a Santa Claus sticker on your notebook because that . . . that . . . is beyond the pale.  At least it is ever since the ACLU began contorting the Constitution like a mad Mike Tyson twisting his Gumby doll.

The Christmasphobia seems to have seeped outside of the Pubic Fool System and has also hit the streets.  It’s gotten to the point where I’ve got to think for 30 to 40 seconds about how I am to wish one well during the Christmas season for fear that the ACLU will send some soulless lawyer to my house to sue me because of an insensitive greeting. 

Before, I just used to say, “Merry Christmas.”  Now, I have to do CIA-like profiling trying to figure out what religion said person is before I launch a holiday howdy.  Are they Christian?  Muslim?  Satanist?  Atheist?  Do they look like they have enough money to take legal action against me if I get the greeting wrong and they become deeply wounded by my well wish?  It’s madness.  To remedy the situation, now I just blow off saying anything aside from, “Wassup?”

Not only has this new found phobia regarding the Yuletide infected our dysfunctional schools and hamstrung our greetings in the streets, it’s also crept into retail where stores like Target put a moratorium on everything to do with Christmas, including giving the Salvation Army the boot.  Hey, Grinch-like Targetmeisters, the multiple millions of us here in Hooville are going to be buying our cheap stuff somewhere else this Christmas season.  So, Happy Festivus, Target, and I hope your profits and stock don’t tumble too dramatically as we take our business elsewhere.

I wonder how long it’s going to be before the anti-war morons move to prohibit Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day because they are offended at the thought of honoring those who fought for and those who died for our country. 

With all the PC stuff swirling around in the secular toilet bowl of our school systems, one can be paralyzed as to what he can and can’t do, what he can and can’t say.  Herewith, my brethren, is a simple guide regarding what you’re allowed to say and do without going to jail, or being fined millions of dollars, or getting expelled or fired, or being executed in the public square.  The following bullet points were ripped out of Alan Sears and Craig Osten’s book, The ACLU vs. America, with some obvious ad lib from me.

1 It is still okay to sing Christmas carols in public schools by individuals or groups. So queue up a few of them for your holiday extravaganza, because this doesn’t violate the Constitution.  [Someone help me here:  When did the Constitution become so fragile and so easily offended?  When did it go from being a rough and tumble framing document to being a delicate thesis written on single ply?]  Hey Christmas lover, don’t worry if Mr., Mrs. or Ms. Stupid says they’re going to sue if you don’t cease and desist from singing “Hark, the Herald Angles Sing,” as public schools have been very successful at keeping the ACLU at bay when they seek to silence the Christmas songs in the school system.

2 It’s okay for schools to call Christmas “Christmas.”  You can actually call the break during December the “Christmas Holiday.”  You don’t have to call it “Sparkle Day,” “Solstice Holidays,” or “Reindeer Weekend.”  Calling Christmas “Christmas” doesn’t offend the newly tenderized Constitution.  The Supreme Court has acknowledged that the government has long recognized holidays with religious significance such as Christmas. 

3 School districts can’t ban individuals or teachers from saying “Merry Christmas.”  The Supreme Court has stated that students and teachers do not have to “shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse gate.”  In order to flout the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment, teachers would have to use their authority to promote religion to their students.

4 Schools can teach about the religious origins of Christmas.  The religious and cultural origins and history of Christmas can be studied without wounding the Constitution.  Even when limiting public Christmas displays, the Supreme Court has said that “the Bible may constitutionally be used in an appropriate study of history, civilization, ethics, comparative religion and the like.”

5 Schools may display religious symbols, such as Nativity scenes.  The Supreme Court has held that a nativity scene is constitutional if it is displayed for legitimate secular purposes, such as to celebrate a holiday or depict the origins of a holiday, such as Christmas.

Y’know, there’s probably just a very few people who are popping a blood vein in their foreheads and spouting this anti-Christmas rhetoric.  More than likely they aren’t the constitutionalists they’ve propped themselves up to be, but rather, failed actors who couldn’t get extra work on B-flicks who have found a way to get in front of a TV camera by being a jerk.  What’s the matter?  Did mommy not pay enough attention to you when you were little?  Did she miss your 3rd grade Christmas play when you starred as Blitzen, and so now you hate Christmas and you want to get her back while making us all pay in the process?

Furthermore, if some citizens want to Ichabod Crane themselves away from our holiday cheer, I say let ‘em.  Yes, we could even create a city for them where they can go and live their secularized dream life, perhaps somewhere in the San Francisco Bay area or somewhere around Boston.  We could call this religiously-scrubbed, Lysol-disinfected place, “I’mapaininthebuttville,” and there they could have their sterile, religion-free environment and celebrate . . . nothing. 

And lastly, secularists, please . . . don’t flatter yourselves by thinking that our celebrating Christ’s birthday is an effort to convert you.  Relax.  We’re not trying to evangelize anyone.  This, like so many other things, is not about you.  We simply want to pause and recognize the birth of the most powerful figure in our world’s history, namely, Jesus Christ.  It’s all about Him.

Logon to www.ClashRadio.com and pick up a copy of Giles' latest DVD, Packed, Stacked and Ready to Whack: A No-Holds Barred Interview with Ted Nugent, filmed before a live audience in Miami, Florida—they make great stocking stuffers. Also, while there, check out Doug's new interview with John Gibson as they discuss the war on Christmas.