French Fried Muslim Madness

Posted: Nov 13, 2005 12:05 AM

Fourteen days ago riots broke out in Paris suburbs after two Muslim young men, who were running from the cops, stopped and took refuge against the wrong electric fence and got KFC’d. 

BTW, does anyone know exactly how many virgins Muhammad allots juvenile delinquents who die because of density?  I believe they’re each awarded two cross-eyed, chunky girls with Tourette’s.  If you know precisely what they’re granted, drop me a line at mail@i’

Anyway, somehow other Muslims turned this Johnny Knoxville-like Parisian Jackass skit into a good excuse to tear down their neighborhood.  This, I think, is kinda strange.  Call me weird, but when my friend Lurch “hair-lipped” Limpnicky was being chased by the Muleshoe PD for stealing taters and was subsequently killed after hiding in a running woodchipper, oddly enough, destroying our F150’s never came to mind. 

Here’s something that’s wild:  It took nearly two weeks of Muslim mayhem, i.e., shooting cops, torching thousands of Renualts, fire-bombing buildings, with the violence spreading to over 300 different cities, before BB-testicle French President Jacque Chi-croc finally decided to play hard ball by instituting a curfew for the hooligans. 

Oooh!  Ah!  Scary. 

I bet the thousands or Molotov tossing Muslims are petrified now.  President Chi-coward went on to warn that if the curfew does not work and they’re still acting naughty that he’s going to take away their weekly allowance, not let them watch cartoons or go to the mall—and this time he’s not kidding, Mister.  Yes, be afraid all vandals . . . the French quail is pissed.

Twelve days to respond!  Y’know, if what’s left of my memory serves me correctly, I believe that the French sautéed Bush because he didn’t show up in New Orleans two seconds after Katrina left town.  Also, I sort of remember the Eurosocialist-stroking, anti-American, left-leaning pundits also basted Bush for tarrying seven minutes on 9/11, but there is amazing absence of indignation towards Chi-caca and the two week nap he took. 

Speaking of our ludicrous left news sources, what’s with the PC mental gymnastics they’re playing with the religion and race of the rioters?  Here’s the typical feed coming from liberal thought police central:  “Riots have broken out in Paris suburbs.  This wave of destruction has been at the hand of North African and Middle Eastern descent French youths who have been disenfranchised and unemployed by haughty white French people.” 

Yeah, if you do a little digging, I bet you’d find that, as Mark Steyn wrote, the names of the “French youths” culpable for this anarchy are not Pierre, Patrice, Henri and Claude, but rather Habib, Achmed and Mohamed. And more than likely, since their origins are North Africa and the Middle East, I’m guessing that they’re not Lutheran or Presbyterian, but rather Muslim young men.  But God forbid one should actually say that.

While I’m on the topic of the Islamic insurrectionists, let me give you bad boys a little help in understanding France.  To start with, of course you’re unemployed.  France’s economy is sagging worse than a glue horse’s paunch gut.  Of course the French treat you like crap.  They treat everyone like crap.  I’m wondering why it took you so long to get fed up with it.  When I went to Paris, as a loud Texas redneck, I got snubbed and rebuffed at every turn.  Did I want to smack their beret-wearing butts?  Sure.  Did I?  No.  Remember, the French are the same people who slighted Oprah.  What did you think they were going to do for you?  Therefore, why don’t you just leave gay Paris and go back to a Muslim friendly country and do so without burning your own stuff in the process? 

And finally, for any American Muslims who are a bubble off level and might be thinking about following their European brethren’s lead by instigating a throw down here in the States, I’d walk away from that silly notion.  Unlike President Chi-runt and the French, I think such a bad decision would not fare well on US turf.  We don’t like our neighbors being burned, we don’t like our cops being shot, and I bet we wouldn’t dally two weeks in quelling such chaos. 

One more thing:  Breaking news . . . this just landed in my inbox!

“Bush Okays Assistance to France for Third Time in 100 Years”
May Send Up To 5 Marines to Quell Two Weeks’ Riots
President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's butt out of the fire again.  Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 ticked off teenagers, Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little rebels.
"Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now," said Bush.  Joint Chiefs head, Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5 Marines to get things under control.  The general admitted that 5 Marines may be overkill, but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on the scene.
Pace stated he was having a hard time finding even one Marine to help out those ungrateful bastards for a third time, but thought that he could persuade a few women Marines to do the job before they went on maternity leave.
President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our Marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored.  He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the Marines did not take soap, razors or deodorant with them.  The least they stand out, the better.

Logon to and pick up a copy of Giles' latest DVD, Packed, Stacked and Ready to Whack: A No-Holds Barred Interview with Ted Nugent, filmed before a live audience in Miami, Florida—they make great stocking stuffers.  Also, while there, check out Doug's new interview with La Shawn Barber as they discuss the Christian’s reaction to Harry Potter.