School Daze

Posted: Aug 21, 2005 12:00 AM

Ah yes, the good old school daze are back, and the students, teachers and parents are busy bees prepping for the year ahead.  The schools are now abuzz with last minute planning as pupils, parents and principals buckle down to gear up for the challenges that come with a fresh academic calendar. 

The teachers, too, are working hard.  Not only are they brushing up on how to regurgitate a force fed, liberal-agenda-laden curriculum, but they also, of necessity, are learning how to defuse bombs, wrest weapons, taser teens during gang rapes and negotiate hostage crises.

The custodians are also at full throttle with their normal back to school chores such as arc welding the new computers to the steel desks that are bolted down to the concrete classroom floor inside of a windowless bunker that has just had a brand spanking new coat of paint applied to cover over the profuse gang graffiti and obscenities left there from the summer school crowd. 

To finish off the refurbishments and to set the tone for a positive school year, the old barbed wire that was strewn around the perimeter has been replaced with fresh and shiny razor wire.  You gotta love our public schools and their commitment to excellence.

In addition, the administrators, in conjunction with the local cops and security companies, have been diligently organizing bright chains for school lockdowns, deciding at which exits they should park the squad cars, what bullets they should use for shooting into crowds and the necessary test checks on the multitudinous metal detectors to make certain the sensors are both sensitive and loud.

It kind of warms the cockles of your heart, doesn’t it?

It doesn’t?

Look, with all of the government’s attention to detail, most parents still do not have a sense of security in giving their beloved children over to the public school system.  The sense of security and of confidence that their children will be both well-educated and kept safe within a sane environment has officially left the building—around the same time Elvis left the planet.

Once again, on a (school day) daily basis, the parents are back to sweating profusely over stuff like:

1. The high probability that their daughter will be sexually harassed by thugs that shouldn’t be allowed in a low security prison, much less a public school. 

2. The possibility of their 13 year-old son learning about sex by having sex with a 42 year-old Mary Kay Letourneau wannabe.

3. Having their moral authority and everything they have taught their kids get thrashed like Ed Klein’s new book at Hillary’s house.

4. Wondering if the next kid to snap and go from zero to nuts and start strafing the lunch room with his Uncle Wheezer’s .22 is going to be at the school where their kids are going.

5. The “F” word flying frequently with unfettered freedom by students, teachers and guidance counselors.

6. Having their kid’s religious beliefs suffer more abuse than Napoleon Dynamite would attempting to walk on with the Miami Dolphins during their training camp.

7. Having their 15 year-old daughter learn how to booty dance like one of Snoop Dogg’s hoochie mamas during the school’s pep rally.

8. Having to deal with a lot of teachers and administrators who are more jaded regarding their jobs and your children than Aileen Wuornos was with men.

9. Their kids’ having to wait for the 186%-overcrowded classroom to settle down and shut the heck up so that the teacher can finally say hello to the students before the class is dismissed.

10. The profuse anti-American rhetoric which resembles the bantered blather at one of Michael Moore’s backyard nacho and beer blow out parties.

To say that parents are concerned about sending their beloved kids to our be-damned schools is to understate the obvious.  They know and we know that, generally speaking, a crippled, deaf, blind, rejected-by-its-mother, newborn wildebeest on the Serengeti plains has a greater chance of coming out okay than a student in the public school system. 

My advice to students who are in the public school system is this: do the exact opposite of what all the other morons are doing, and more than likely, you will propel your way to success.  In addition, believe the opposite of what most of the teachers are trying to sell you politically, socially, scientifically, religiously and sexually.  If there ever were a time to defy authority and peers, especially if you want to grow up sane and not become emotional or vocational mooch, it is now; and the main location to stage your peaceful resistance would be the school system which has become the main purveyor of anti-American and anti-God blather on the planet.

And lastly, my two cents for parents is to engage the system. Your job is to be involved in what is going into your kids’ heads via the public school prying pinheads.  Know your kids’ teachers, identify the good ones who do not have an agenda-laden axe to grind with your teen and know the ones who are pulling to the left harder than Jenny Wilbanks’ goggled eye.  Finally, get on your knees and pray.  “Why?” you ask.  Well mom and dad, your kids are going off to a rough spiritual and cultural battle of tremendous import; therefore, pray that they don’t follow the herd.  Pray for their staunch independence.  Pray that they discern the BS when it’s offered to them. Pray that they do not become squishy, malleable little poodle followers, but instead grow into intellectually rough and tumble, sharp, solid and smart bulldogs for God and country. 

*  Logon to and listen to Doug’s latest interview with best selling author and columnist, David Limbaugh.  Also visit our ClashStore and pick up a copy of Giles’ book, Do You Have a Pit Bull Attitude?

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