A time to kill

Posted: Apr 23, 2005 12:00 AM

Ecclesiastes states, ?There is an appointed time for everything ? a time to give birth and a time to die; a time to embrace and a time to shun embracing,? and among other things, ? there is, ?a time to kill.?  Guess what time I think it is for John Evander Couey and David Onstott?

With our nation?s attention rightly riveted on the macabre murders of little Jessica Lundsford and Sarah Lunde, I think I just heard the clock strike Death:30 for the irretrievable duo who carried out these sickening slayings.  I question the humanity, sanity, and if you?re religious, the sanctity, of everyone who vies for sustaining the lives of Couey and Onstott, the confessed murderers of 10-year-old Jessica and 13-year-old Sarah.

In addition to it being a time to kill these two sacks of dung, I think the judicial morons who previously gave wispy sentences to such dregs and released them without performing a chemical castration and a phallectomy with a rusty fork, and without branding SOB on these losers? foreheads, ought to go directly to prison for aiding and abetting these bastards. And I use the word bastard in a biblical sense.

Furthermore, I believe Kelly Lunde, Sarah?s mom, who actually dated Onstott, the convicted rapist who eventually killed her daughter, who didn?t report her child missing for two, that?s two, days, should to be forced to spend a few years in the Stupid Ward of What Were You Thinking Hospital.  

Y?know, it?s amazing to me that these two recidivist rapists were allowed to free range while our legal wizards felt the need to Lojack Martha Stewart and treat her like Hannibal Lecter for lying.  I would venture to say that the scales of justice are now more unbalanced in the United States of Asininity than Margot Kidder trying to work a treadmill after a quart of corn liquor.

Let me see if I?m getting this ?sage? judicial insight right.  Tight-leashing a 60-year-old billionaire blonde Jurassic diva in her multi-million dollar mansion is a must, and letting Chester the Molester run free and relatively unsupervised to skulk our schoolyards, playgrounds, ice cream parlors and churches is okay? 

What the heck is wrong with us? 

How many raped pre-pubescent girls have to be buried alive in shallow graves before we enact lethal Moses-like sanctions on these nightcrawlers and send them quickly to a just God who will, in turn, overnight them to an eternal hell?

Here?s what I think needs to happen to a person found guilty of raping and/or killing a kid.

I think said person should ?

1. Be executed immediately.  Like, within a couple of days.  Yep ? wait maybe two days, max, after the conviction, and then swiftly turn them into a grease stain.  And just to err on the side of mercy, because I?m a Christian, have whatever family and friends who?ll claim them come to pay their last respects, vomit on them or whatever. 

After that, let them have their last supper of Vienna Sausages, pickled eggs and a nice cold cup of tobacco spit, then have the father of the victim they raped/killed come forward and throw the switch on a substantial pack of C4 and publicly explode these Darwinian holdovers to smithereens.  With, of course, the entire nation watching and a live cable feed fed straight to every jail cell inhabited by a child molester.

2. If that?s too much to ask of our wuss culture, and the hellions get off light by getting to spend the rest of their ?life? in prison, then let?s make certain that they get to stay in the most sadistic hell-hole in the country.  A place that makes Abu Ghraib look like a kibbutz.  Here?s how it?d work.  When they arrive at the worst place in the world, we should make certain that the GP comes out to greet them in the prison yard with the perp?s face plastered up on a big screen. 

Then, just so there is no confusion with regard to what they?re in for, we could put their little victim?s face up on the overhead, describe what these dogs did to her, give everyone their new cell number, tell everyone where they?ll be working for the next few years, show all inmates the precise spot the beasts will eat lunch, issue them a pink unitard to wear and then ? let the chips fall where they may.

3. And for the convicted sexual predators who are, for whatever ridiculous reason, out of jail and on parole or given probated sentences, I say we corral these cats quickly and do due diligence before the lechers lapse.  With the ones we are able to locate and capture, I say we crudely spot-weld on the inside of these violent felons? empty skulls a transmitter that also has the ability to taser the culprit should the need arise.  For example: say Dufus decides he wants to leave his cinder-block-based trailer home and stroll across county or state lines. The person monitoring the rapist (who would be paid for by the parents of the felon, who failed in their task to properly raise a child) sees he?s moving out of prescribed bounds and boom ? hits a button and tasers Mr. Palm Pilot into Strokeville right where he stands. Shock the monkey!  Whaddya think?

Now, for the child molesters and rapists who are out of custody and making normal people feel awkward, I think you might want to ask authorities to let you back into prison, because I sense that America is about to make you very uncomfortable.  Yes, I believe parents, grandparents, pastors, and some politicians are about to turn the tables on you genetic anomalies, ratchet up the heat and righteously make you, not the innocent, feel ill at ease.  So ? be afraid.  Be very afraid.

My ClashPoint is this:  Concerned parent: do a quick check on www.sexualoffenders.com and get ready to get freaked out about how many live a few doors down from you.  However, when you do get the lowdown on where these lowlifes live, don?t spend your family?s time locked indoors in fear of such culprits. 

Let?s make them shake in their boots.  Let?s train our little girls to be Lara Croft tomb raiders.  Let?s get the local TV news to run dailies of their faces and the places they inhabit.  Let?s get the newspapers to have a special sewage section dedicated to showing and keeping tabs on them.  Let?s put HazMat signs in the front yards where these creeps live. 

Let?s force them out of our communities and let them get their own place where all of them can feel at home and not be judged, and where they can do the dirty deeds to each other.  I know a perfect place; it is 666 Lucifer Lane, close to the river Styx on Dante?s second concentric circle.  And I?m positive, positive, there would be a lot of people available to help get them there.