Damn Rather?s Blather

Posted: Sep 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Watching Dan Rather unravel this week over George Bush?s ?unpardonable sins? while serving in the National Guard has been reminiscent of Peter Arnett?s vocational suicide on TV while maniacally distorting the fall of Baghdad in March 2003. 

Hey Dan-O ? Mo Rocca is more sincere and substantive when interviewing a crack prostitute about China?s economy than you?ve been in your latest ?work?.  Your ideological desires have created a dementia, Mr. Rather, that has made us, uhhh, concerned ? about your balance, both journalistic and emotional.

Experts warned Dan Blather and staff that the document on which he was staking his reputation and his network?s name was virtually certainly to be a fake.  It seems the specialists have three major problems with the documents:

1. The crayon used in the 1972 record in question was a Prussian blue color which had not been released for public usage by the Crayola© company until 1986.  

2. The National Guard has never used Big Chief tablet paper for their official proceedings. 

3. George Bush?s name wasn?t even on the report.  The service man cited in the statement was not George W. Bush but Jorge W. Buscocho, a Puerto Rican National who later became a back up dancer for Charo during her 1989 Cuchi-Cuchi-If-You-Can tour.

Rather than cease and desist from his imaginative, big, ?tell all? story, Mr. Rather decided the prudent course of action should go something like this, ?Well, we know that the documents are complete and utter horse dung, cooked up at a Kinko?s in Abilene, Texas by some Stephen King character. 

Nevertheless, we want them to be true ? and some people seem to think these bogus papers do have a legitimate claim.  Yep ? that?s all we need.  All right, now get out of my office you lackeys, load up the teleprompter and let?s stick it to the President, right up the tail pipe!?

It really seems as if Rather has passed the point of no return in his biased reporting.  We couldn?t balance out his lean to the left if we tied a six ton block of cement with a 100 pound steel cable to his right ear lobe and smashed his left foot with a sledge hammer.  Dan wants ? no, he needs -- to believe those Bush besmirching reports so badly that he blew through cautionary roadblocks like Nick Nolte and Glen Campbell would blow through a case of Sammy Hagar?s best Cabo Wabo on a wild weekend. 

It is amazing that after CBS consulted their experts and were solidly warned of the fraudulent nature of the papers, Dan decided to seek other experts who would tell him what his ears were itching to hear.  And as most of you know by now, bloggers have just broken the story on Rather?s unnamed sources; one of them is Dan Rather?s imaginary friend ?Crazy Pete? and another is the departed spirit, the star of stage and silent screen, Gloria Swanson.

It is a wild, weird trip to see the Bush hatred hit such an all time high, and the effect it has on the general public and on the haters themselves.  The ill-conceived Kerry campaign is imploding at such a rapid rate that the liberals are going Mach 2 as they try to grasp some salacious straw to keep him ? and them -- from sinking.  The best they could come up with was that Bush missed a physical. 

Is that it?  Let me help you here: missing a physical doesn?t come close to Kerry?s Swift Boat fantasies, his highly questionable, totally bloodless Purple Hearts, much less his traitorous testimony before the Fulbright Committee and subsequent meeting with the enemy in Paris. 

Then we have Dan busting an O-ring over President Bush getting preferential treatment in the military.   Now that?s the putz calling the kettle black now isn?t it?  I don?t recall Rather screaming ?injustice? or ?preferential treatment? as Ted Kennedy waltzed away from Chappaquiddick or as Bill Clinton walked away unscathed after multiple rape charges, Whitewater, Monica and lying under oath.  And as far as preferential treatment goes, Rather gets it every week by being allowed to broadcast 20 years after he has lost all objectivity. 

Geez, I wonder what are they going to accuse President Bush of next?  How about:

1. He once drank red wine with fried chicken?

2. He wore white after Labor Day?

3. In 1968, he insisted on swimming after lunch, refusing to wait the full thirty minutes?

4. He has been known to drink milk after the expiration date?

5. He started the Civil War?

6. When he was nine, he missed a dentist appointment?

7. Some say he was present during Christ?s crucifixion?
My ClashPoint is this:  I?m cool with dissent and proper partisan bickering by differing camps of political persuasions, but Rather and his crew have moved solidly into the WWE sector.  And everyone ? even their ultra-left soulmates at The Washington Post ? is saying, ?I?d Rather ? NOT?.  Heck, Satan even released a statement on Friday stating that ?Neither I, Satan, The Prince of Darkness, nor any of my hellish hierarchy, nor my demonic hosts had anything to do with the sophomoric, ham-handed slop job kerried out by Rather and his anti-Republican rabble.?

CBS, which seemingly now stands for the CrazyBS Network has officially crossed the National Enquirer line and has move from semi-credible network to credulously biased nuthouse.  The only problem is, their shrinking yet thinking audience is not following them into the Liberal lunacy psych ward. 

You know as much as CBS may try to sell us Rather?s blather or Kitty Kelley?s cancerous slander [some say she?s Michael Moore in drag], I see America decisively not queuing up to purchase the Axis of Drivel?s snake oil.  In fact, the TV ratings realistically and consistently show that the masses are looking for fair and balanced news, and not the journalistic spam of brainwashed jackasses.