A Tour of Duty or a Ton of Dooky?

Posted: Aug 14, 2004 12:00 AM

It seems the Swift Boat Vets have delivered a swift kick to Kerry?s crotch.  Ouch!  That?s gotta hurt.  What?s ironic -- and typical -- is the Left?s hysterically hypocritical spin machine screaming for the Swifties? 411 to be immediately Dixie Chicked.  The self- righteous, first amendment waving, Michael Moron embracers are not so free with freedom of speech when it happens to slow roast their presidential nominee a mere 80 or so days before the nation schleps to the polls.

What?s funny, [not funny, ?ha-ha? ? funny ?weird?] is as long as the information comes from one uberliberal, overweight, college dropout with a communist bent, who routinely attempts to make ?W? look like a greedy gnome who wrongfully plays golf while he unrepentantly sends our kids to the Gulf, well ? that?s cool.  Spreading such misinformation, created from the ether by one of the left?s darlings should not, according to most liberals, be examined.   No! It should be believed and be considered inerrant and infallible, and the purveyor of such rank propaganda lifted high as a prophet. 

But flip to today.  More than 60 decorated, non-politically active, eyewitnesses of Kerry?s four month stint in Vietnam -- men who ate, slept, and served a few feet from the Dems? presidential applicant ? have written a heavily documented, devastating tell all, Unfit for Command, credibly contradicting Kerry?s account of his fleeting 120 days in ?Nam.  They represent more than 250 Swift Boat veterans, including Kerry?s commanding officer!  So, what?s the response from all the usual political and media suspects? What the heck do they know?  Why should they be trusted?  Dismiss ?em; censure ?em ? and if they keep trying to talk, just shout them down. 

If Unfit for Command is true, then the half-inflated raft on which Kerry?s campaign is currently floating, i.e., his allegedly heroic four months in ?Nam is sunk.  [Four months?  I took woodworking shop for four months 29 years ago, but that sure doesn?t mean I?m fit to take Bob Vila?s job.] 

It?s Kerry who volleyed his Vietnam record into the court of public scrutiny.  I guess he didn?t figure that 254 guys who served with and around him would return service back to his court with a violently contradictory top spin.  And now it is up to Kerry, not Lanny Davis, not Jeh Johnson and certainly not James Carville to field the multitudinous charges.

The right and proper action for John Kerry is to answer the heavily documented allegations.  If it turns out that he can?t or won?t, then he needs to be held in contempt or suspicion, and the Democrats need to turn to some non-Pinocchio pundit without amnesia and high grade narcissism.  That is, if liberals are intellectually honest and don?t want still another prevaricator in the Oval Office to embarrass them at every turn. 

Come on, Senator Kerry: come clean.  Answer the accusations.  Provide whatever paperwork you need to nail the coffin shut on the allegedly fallacious claims of the Swifties who have been brave enough to stand and be counted.  And if you did lie to us, then tell us.  We?re big boys. 

You just might stun us into forgiving you and voting for you, because the public hasn?t seen a truth dealing Democrat presidential hopeful in ages; one who, when caught red-handed lying about his past or humping an intern, actually admits it and repents.  Just tell us your ego got in the way? you trumped your ?Nam service because your Senate record and your days spent carrying Mike Dukakis? briefcase are sorta ? well, lackluster. 

Look, even if you don?t get elected, if you lied and now confess it, at least you?ll sleep better at night and something really rewarding will happen.  Allergan© will hire you to be one of their Botox spokes models.  Or maybe you?ll get an offer to get into celebrity boxing.  I?m thinkin? a John Kerry vs. Janet Reno match could prove a lucrative contest.  I know it would blow away, ratings wise, last Thursday?s Joey Buttafuoco vs. Joanie Laurer bout.

Here?s the flip side of the suspicious Kerry Tour of Duty coin: if these Swifties have lied and maliciously slandered and publicly defamed Senator Kerry, then their group picture needs to be put next to the definition of creepy in the updated 2005 version of Webster?s Unabridged Dictionary.  And not only that: they should be punished somehow for their libelous claims, like having to be Teresa [Tah- ray- za] Heinz Kerry?s butler, or bath drawer, or pool boy or masseur.

George Bush was forced to come forward with the truth about his drinking history and National Guard records, and his pre 9/11 intelligence or lack thereof.  What?s the problem with John Kerry having to come forward and answer this book?s detailed allegations and provide the necessary documents, like who witnessed his acts of heroism and who treated his wounds?

My ClashPoint is this, Senator: President Bush was flamb? for his honorable Texas National Guard record, and grilled by the 9/11 Commission.   So, don?t think it?s too much for you to answer, now, the accusations leveled at you by your fellow Swifties. Unfit for Command calls you, John Forbes Kerry, a liar and phony and your Vietnam claims a scam.  That?s tough language.  Since you?ve built much of your political platform on what the Swifties are calling shifting sands, you?ve got to answer their charges. 

This book didn?t come from Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity or Ann Coulter but rather from eyewitnesses, respectable naval officers and enlisted men calling you, Senator, on the carpet for your combat claims.  I know we can?t answer all our detractors? critiques but this isn?t a simple ?Kerry Sucks? 900 word op-ed written by some axe-flailing fame seeker.  This is 256 pages of heavily footnoted analysis that has been well-written, meticulously researched and reeks of sincerity. 

So, allay our concerns, Mr. Kerry.  Weigh in and show us the Swift Boat Veterans are wrong.  Prove to us that your Tour of Duty was not a ton of dooky.