Day Dreamin' Anti-Dude Dames

Posted: Apr 24, 2004 12:00 AM

What do the anti-dude dames daydream about?  Well ? I can think of 10 fantasies right off the top of my unapologetic, heterosexual, white, Anglo-Saxon, protestant, testosterone-fog-loving head.  Ready?

1.   Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche would get back together and adopt a cat.  Lovely!

2.   Rush Limbaugh would choke to death on a plate of Hooter?s hot wings.

3.   Newt Gingrich would actually turn into a newt, relocate to a Madagascar rain forest and be relentlessly chased by the Crocodile Hunter.

4.   Hillary Clinton would run for President in 2004 with Melissa Etheridge as her running mate. Yummy!

5.   Thelma and Louise would experience a cinematic resurrection, which would yield up the theatrical release of ?Thelma and Louise Part 2: Revenge of the Bra Burners?.

6.   K.D. Lang would do another album with Tony Bennett, only this time they?ll sing her lesbian ballads. Oh, behave!

7.   Janeane Garafalo would permanently replace Brian Kilmeade on ?Fox and Friends?.

8.   The script of ?Boys On The Side? would be written into the U.S. Constitution.

9.   George Washington?s face would be removed from the dollar bill to be replaced by a glamour shot of Gloria Alred.

10. The line in the pledge of allegiance would be changed from ?One Nation, under God?? to ?One Nation, run by Broads.?

This is what the feminists daydream about while they?re shopping for golf shirts, stretch pants and at-home-hair-cut kits.

Because I am a man, my opinion regarding the role of women in society no longer counts.  Not because I?m not properly briefed regarding women?s issues, but because I am a Christian, conservative, white male.  Yes sir, I?m the new millennium?s latest whipping boy ? the receptacle of all society?s ills ? the pariah of postmodernism ? the spawn of all societal sewage.  At least according to the feministas.

Yes, the decisively masculine, pro-Constitution, pro-10 Commandments, pro-Pledge of Allegiance, pro-Second Amendment, pro-meat eating, pro-hard working, pro-Freedom of Speech loving man ? you know, the type of guy who built the country that radical, lesbian, feminists have the freedom to complain about, and do their best to tear down.  Well, this type of man has been temporarily vilified and tossed into the current compost heap of political correctness.  And, thus, his opinion is null and void.

Just what does a man know, anyway?  According to the feminists ? nothing. 

And not only does the WASPy man know nothing, but he better not say things like:

·    The feminists spit on everything that?s based on Judeo/Christian ethics.

·    The feminists will gladly get rid of your church or synagogue.

·    The feminists live to walk on our flag and everything for which it stands.

·    The feminists would love to hit the delete button on our nation?s collective memory.

·    The feminists are more than willing to re-write history.

·    The feminists are adept in messing with our kids? minds.

·    The feminists hate anything that?s normal.

·    The feminists hate anything that is decent.

·    Feminism has now become a synonym for lesbianism.

? Or, he?ll have hell to pay.

My ClashPoint is this: Just because when the white, conservative, Christian man talks, the feminists begin to squawk, does not mean we keep our mouths shut.  We had better talk, and not just talk, work -- to protect the state of our nation against these liberal ?ladies? pushing hard to the left for a ?She-ocracy,? and to support the giant majority of women out there who aren?t buying their hashish. 

I?m talking about the women who like being a wife, like having kids, enjoy being treated like a lady, are delighted not to fight in a war, thrive on being feminine and not butch.  They?re the women who, if they choose a career outside the home, are not shamed into it by some uni-brow, chucka-boot wearing she-male with a bad hairdo and camel?s breath.

But what do I know?  I?m gender challenged.