ATMs Plus Corporate Jets Equals Skynet!
There’s a new boogeyman in town and its name is “Corporate Jet.” It’s not quite the thing of comic book villains, but it is a joke. President Obama, the comedian-in-chief, launched into a tirade against the evil corporate jet owners in his press conference Wednesday. Seems calling families making $250,000+ a year “Millionaires and Billionaires” didn’t quite have the class warfare POP Obama needed to blame for his complete failure as President, so the presumably focus group tested “corporate jet” was born in an attempt to polish his administration. The only problem is, as the old saying goes, you can’t polish a turd.
You see, corporate jet owners are ruining the country. They don’t want to give up their life of low tax luxury so their lackey Republicans in Congress are blocking “real reform” by opposing tax hikes on these evil bastards. Instead, according to the President, they want to end medical research, allow poison food on to the market, starve children and deny students access to college. Never mind the fact that if there’s poison food flooding the market it seems a little redundant to starve children and there will be no one left to go to college and, therefore, no need for new medical treatments. Aside from the general stupidity, it’s the perfect crime!
Of course this is a simplified version of what the President said, but it’s an accurate one. It was such a bad performance that MSNBC analyst Mark Halperin got suspended and was forced to apologize for giving an honest assessment of it on the air. (As an aside, note how liberals outraged by Halperin’s statement all say he shouldn’t say such things about the President, not that he’s not one. Just an observation.)
What makes the President’s deception even more humorous is, much like how the Terminator being sent back in time actually brought about the rise of Skynet (it’s in part 2), Obama himself aided the corporate/private jet industry in his failed stimulus bill. Not sure if that makes him John Connor or the Terminator (minus the love-child with the maid, obviously), but it certainly adds to the case that he’s a horrible President.
And now comes word that his reelection strategy isn’t to run on his record. As evidenced above, how could he? He either doesn’t know it or hopes you don’t. In any event, he’s treating you the way you treat the cousin you don’t like and try your damnedest to avoid like the plague at family functions because he smells like toads and looks like he slept in his clothes in a bag of potato chips. But that’s his record, that’s what he’s done. Basically, that’s him.
No, his campaign strategy is to focus on the “contrast” between him and Republicans. He’s the adult, they’re the stupid-heads who won’t give him what he wants! Yeah, I don’t expect this strategy to last very long either. But I also don’t expect the idiocy of even attempting to run that way to get much attention in the media. While Obama is screwing up such simple basics as the number of states in the country and even how old his daughter is, the media is too busy attacking Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann as dumb. (As an aside, I don’t think there’s ever been anything more heavily reported by the media in the last 2 years than how irrelevant those two women are. And it’s always done without irony.)
And while he’s busy demonizing the corporate jet-set, he’s also busy sucking up to their wallets. Someone has to pay the future fine that should be imposed for
So as the “hypocrisy 2012” train rolls out of the station for its cross country trek, don’t forget it’s not yet high-speed rail, even though the media will try to tell you otherwise. Take comfort in the fact that the latest poll has Obama losing to a generic Republican 46-42, and if there’s one thing there are plenty of at this point it’s generic Republicans.
Imagine There’s No Hippies...It’s Awesome If You Try
John Lennon was a Republican? First off, I’m a huge Lennon fan, always have been. I’ve gotten a lot of grief from my friends, conservatives and liberals, over my political beliefs and what they perceived Lennon’s to be. Some people seem to think in order to like someone as an artist you must agree with them on everything. Were that the case I’d hate the hilarious show 30 Rock because of the
Seamon said, "John, basically, made it very clear that if he were an American he would vote for Reagan because he was really sour on (Democrat) Jimmy Carter.”
This doesn’t come as a surprise to me. As a kid I devoured everything Lennon I could get my hands on, including interviews. Upon hearing this story I was reminded of a quote from a cassette I have from interviews given just before his murder (yes, I said cassette. Remember those?) You can read the whole quote here, but here are some of the relevant parts:
“Produce your own dream...It's quite possible to do anything, but not to put it on the leaders and the parking meters. Don't expect Jimmy Carter or Ronald Reagan or John Lennon or Yoko Ono or Bob Dylan or Jesus Christ to come and do it for you. You have to do it yourself....people cannot provide it for you. I can't wake you up. You can wake you up. I can't cure you. You can cure you."
I don’t know that any of this is true, but it certainly does fit rather nicely with the way he sounded the end of his life. Plus, the idea of “Progressives” being upset over this is one that makes me happy.
Of All the People Who Should Be Able to Spot Hidden Cameras...Pervert hunter Chris Hansen of NBC’s Dateline has been busted in an undercover video sting by the National Enquirer and exposed as a cheating scumbag. Hansen, the “To Catch a Predator” host, has been having an affair for the last 4 months with a local reporter at a TV station in Florida while his wife was back home in Connecticut with their kids. There is, as yet, no proof that when confronted by the Enquirer and told to “have a seat over there,” he ran out of the house and tripped on the bike in the driveway.
Mom Always Said, “Don’t Play Ball In The House” Here’s a story...of a lovely lady...who was bringing up three very lovely girls...She had a one night stand, with a mayor...and she got herself crabs. File this story under “Things I could’ve lived my whole life without ever knowing and been very happy about it” or “The death of dignity.” Florence Henderson, known to millions as the wholesome Mrs. Brady on The Brady Bunch, always struck me as a little “off” when I’d see her interviewed, but I had no idea...Seems that in the 1960s, Henderson decided to have a one night affair on her husband with the then Mayor of New York John Lindsay and came away with “pubic lice.” The former Wesson Oil spokeswoman thought this would be a good selling point for her upcoming autobiography. Unless her publisher is Larry Flynt, I’m not positive her target audience wants to read about Mrs. Brady feverishly scratching her nether regions after an adulterous roll in the hay with a dead politico most people have forgotten the existence of.
I’m rambling long here and I’ve bored you enough, so these will be short.
First, Tom Petty (people under 40, ask your parents who he is) and Katrina and the Waves (People under 40, don’t bother asking anyone, people only remember their one song, not their name) demanded Congresswoman Michele Bachmann stop reminding large audiences they once had hit songs. It’s amazing how political hate can trump all else, especially the prospect of regaining some recognition from people whose livelihood is dependent upon it. Their hatred is the best argument for Napster I’ve ever heard.
Second, The Artist Formerly and Subsequently Known as Prince thinks Islamic countries are just groovy and the chicks dig wearing burqas because he thinks it’s fun “to know there's only one religion. There's order. You wear a burqa. There's no choice. People are happy with that." To those who are unhappy about not having a choice in these matters, Prince says, “There are people who are unhappy with everything. there’s a dark side to everything.” It’s always fun to visit someplace where you’re treated like a king and are free to leave whenever you wish, especially when you have your own private jet ready to whisk you away at a moment’s notice. Wait a second...private jet?! Maybe Obama is on to something!
Finally, Glenn Beck went off the air for the last time Thursday to start his own Internet based news show/empire. In an attempt to take credit for this voluntary choice, Media Matters threw a party to celebrate their “victory” in getting Beck to...yeah, they didn’t really have anything to do with it. But when you have to show a donor like George Soros what he’s getting for his money, buying a bunch of DVRs and transcribing Fox News for your 35,000 Kool-Aid drinking Twitter followers doesn’t really inspire another check. So they invited every white liberal in DC to come to their office for a party claiming credit for what was going to happen anyway. The video, shot by a Huffington Post employee, is actually hilarious (check it out here). It’s clear the guy recording it knows their claim of causing Beck to quit is garbage and he isn’t really hiding his thoughts on it from the people he interviews. There is no way he will be invited to Media Matters next party celebrating the victory of their campaign to get the sun to rise the east.
PS: Newsweek is a joke. If you read it, I’m sorry...for you.
That’s it, done! Go about your week.