Gore, him and her

Posted: Dec 27, 2000 12:00 AM
Whatever you can say about any problems the Republicans are facing with the Clinton recession as they assume apparent control of all three branches of government (a sham on account of the high incidence of Republican turncoats with no corresponding Democratic turncoats), at least the Republican Party is not besieged by a triangle of egos now fighting for attention in the Democratic Party.

A three-way battle royale is brewing among the delusional vice president, the Hustler president and the aspiring yuppie scum "Hillary!" Each one of these three luminaries thinks he is entitled to be king of the universe.

With the media's willingness to flack for these egotists, things could get out of control. Even in the Democrats' consequence-free environment, there's only so much the sound chamber of liberal media can do to disguise these repugnant personalities. Their massive egos suck all oxygen out of the room. And none of them will shut up.

Poor Al Gore, with his threadbare Tennessee existence, thinks he should be the leader of the opposition. The press wanly tries to keep Gore alive, issuing polite little news reports as if he were still relevant, but he's becoming the fastest disappearing act since the Cheshire Cat.

Somehow a rumor got started that Harvard University was considering hiring Gore to be president of the university, which was always about as likely as Harvard hiring me as its president, except I made it farther in graduate school than Gore did.

It was a ridiculous notion -- not least of all to Harvard, which quickly dampened the rumors, explaining that Gore did not have the requisite "academic and intellectual standing." One wondered how such an absurd rumor could have gotten started in the first place. Let's see: Who has a habit of making stuff up that inures to his greater glory?

In any event, Gore's impotent efforts to have his political future taken seriously are being drowned out by the massive egos in the White House. That competition is really heating up about now. Bill and Hillary haven't even taken notice of Gore's pretensions to be recognized as leader of the opposition. While Bill thinks he's the star, Hillary thinks she wears the pink pants suit now. And she has more money.

More than getting his people in the Democratic National Committee, and more even than getting his next intern, Bill is embarking on the fight of his life: He must top Hillary's book advance. In a few years, he'll be running against Hillary for senator from New York.

What else can he do? The man is unfit for a job or creating work product. Apart from politics, all he is suited for is following washed-up celebrity greeters on Norwegian cruise ships. Or Vegas, maybe. Assuming they could take the pathetic, leering spectacle of the man.

But having saved the Constitution by creating the need for an impeachment and then fighting it, and having concluded his illustrious presidency by setting the country on a path to recession, Bill has grand plans for himself. He wants to guide the Democratic Party to greater acts of duty and sacrifice.

Clinton has thrown off Gore's people from the Democratic National Committee and replaced them with his own. He has made known that he plans an energetic and influential role in the party. This guy thinks he's Churchill.

While I'm all for the idea of an indelible connection between Bill Clinton and the Democratic Party, many Democrats are less enthusiastic. Reacting to reports that Clinton is jockeying for position as leader of the opposition, The New York Times pleaded for "Elvis" to "leave the building," amid delicate references to "Mr. Clinton's personal baggage."

The media may have overdone that business about Clinton's gargantuan popularity. Despite the best economy any political party has ever been blessed with, Clinton's vice president lost an election that should have been a landslide for any incumbent. A weird personality doesn't explain that.

The demonstrably false report of Clinton's vast unsinkable popularity -- wilder and more intense with every felony he was shown to have committed -- was for consumption by the hoi polloi only. But to everyone's surprise, the only person in America who believes it is Bill Clinton.

Meanwhile, despite the Clinton recession, Hil is out on a wild spending spree, dashing from mansion to mansion to cash in on her years of devoted service to the public. Her political contribution has been to firmly establish the Democratic Party as the party of garish consumption. Forget the analogies to Gingrich -- he was a little bit out of control, but at least he didn't want to hang out with movie stars. Senator Hillary (D-Vanity Fair) is trying to bring back the Roman Empire.

Even liberal media can't paper over this battle of egos.