The Sensitive Man

Dirty Dawg !!!

sounds like half of America...Here's one:

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a*s-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

Seniors - don't mess with them!

A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful women. He walks up to her and says, "I am a rich man. Would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?"

She coyly replies, "Why yes I would."

The man then says, "Would you go to bed with me for $5.00?"

The woman, in a fit of anger, says, "Absolutely not! What do you think I am?"

The man says, "Well we have established what you are. Now we're haggling price."

If I were still a "player," I might have tried that EXCEPT that a SMART man would only award the BIG ones from the top shelf!

I love the jokes where the old timer skewers a young whippersnapper! That one was worth a LMAO!

I wonder if anyone has ever done a study to categorize numbers of women who would do the deed for (?) dollars. I'd love to see the distribution of respondents down in the more reasonable areas, like below $1,000? I think a very large percentage would succumb in the $100,000 range - just curious.

"stimulus package", Garnett92?

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Obama, and the gal is the media or the GOP...

response to Bobbie - that a "smart" guy would award a BIG bear to all of his players (thinking that he'd massage their egos in hopes of a return bout) but ... that borders on socialism where everyone gets the same reward regardless of effort. I stand corrected - give 'em what they worked for!

I can just see the guy smiling every time his MIL kissed his wife. That's the kind of evil genius I can respect!

Rendell's comment found? I tried the usual searches (as I'm sure you'd already tried) but wasn't able to find a reference to that statement. And you indicated that it was found in multiple places??? What kind of search did they use. I assume that the reference will be on the next Craw report?

Damn,that was funny.Good stuff.

is that we got more good jokes in the comments!

...Ha! get it? Moral of the story? DD

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

Don’t judge a book by its cover? If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again? Enthusiasm can’t buy teddy bears? Never stop trying (the sensitive guy probably likes that one). The teddy bear is always bigger on the other shelf? Know the rules before you play the game?

That one got guffaws!

VERRRY funny! This kinda stuff is great to come to after work!!

A friend just sent me another that was so funny I laughted out loud. It's worth sharing so I'll include it in another post rather than here as a comment. Thanks for visiting.