Ralphie in Tennessee

Nashville? When Ralphie really was free and happy, I took him to Mexico, Holland, and China. You take him to Nashville? Ralphie hates country music almost as much as he hates shooting his eye out.

By the way, the Titans are 0-2, the Vikes are 2-0, and the Twins are headed for the playoffs. I just hope we can get Ralphie back in time for the World Series parade.

Ralphie,

You grammar skills are atrocious. Did you pick that up in Nashville? Obviously you are losing all the knowledge Chad spent so much time and money instilling into you.

And all those Minnesota insults! I believe thou protesteth too much, my tiny mutant bobblehead.

Minnesota is beautiful. Particularly Minneapolis.

I'm not sure who is ghost writing for Hugh, but I doubt they went to university in Nashville - even if they did force you to wear that....that...helmet.

You poor baby.

Now I know you had fantasies of taking on "Black Bart", but Nashville is not the place for a mutant bobblehead with rapidly deteriorating brain function.

Soon you will be de-programmed and home where you belong.

Sigh.

Who would do such a thing?

Are they threatening you with Ivory soap - the one with the piquant aftertaste?

chad, chad, chad. you see, it's language like this that encouraged my flight for freedom. You claim to be a good American, and yet you slander your friends to the south in the most distasteful way. It's no wonder nobody likes you.

You remind me a lot of Seoul City Sue, the very pleasant voice that would come on the radio in 1950's Korea, telling our GI's that all of their wives and girlfriends were home cheating on them while they were off to war fighting.

Your siren song won't work on me.

I am from California, honey.

The only reason I even know about Fraters Libertas and other Minnesotians such as James Lileks is because of your captor, Hugh Hewitt.

Oh, the irony of it all.

I visited Minneapolis once and fell in love with the city.

Think of it, Ralphie.

Isn't it better to play hockey than to play with " "an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and 'this thing', which tells time"?

Even if Hugh Hewitt IS the official God of Hockey for the state?

Ralphie,

You are uncharacteristically silent.

Have you returned home to Chad?

Or too chicken to show yourself?

Surely, you are still traveling.

Or did your new owner store you in a closet?

Chad would never do that.

Is Ralphie? Still In Nashville? Home? We want updates!

Is Ralphie? Still In Nashville? Home? We want updates!