We had joy, we had fun....

I wil say a prayer for you

Your post has extra meaning to me.I had less than stellar parents who were preoccupied with their own problems,but I learned early on to not expect anything from them and using them as an example of what not to do in my life.Now don't get me wrong I love both my parents and accept them for who they are as it seems you did.I think that is best thing to do for peace of mind.The main thing is you used this experience to become a better person not as an excuse for failure that will be your father's legacy.

Wonderful piece.

As sloan wrote, I empathize. My biological father was a disaster in the role; he died when I was 11, and I never missed him.

But the upside was he set a great example of what NOT to be as a father, an example I took forward into adulthood which allowed me to be an even better parent than I might otherwise have been.

I remember a quote from the book, "A River Runs Through It" by Norman MacLean that comforted me during such times as you have had of late. Words that articulate are somehow relieving...

"It is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give, or more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us, but we can still love them. We can love completely without complete understanding."

Thanks, I could always use an extra one! And thanks for stopping.

We can't help what we're born into, can we? we just have to hae the strength to know that we can persevere despite ourselves. Thanks for stopping.

And you do appear to be off the meter with the Dad thing and "getting it"!! As my brother said, He does not want to set a lousy example for his kid and always strives to improve what he can.

Now that is a quote I will use at the Memorial service...it is awesome!! Thanks for a shiining spot in my day!!

That's the positive outcome of a negative experience, as your brother put it so well (thanks for the kind words, btw).

He took a lesson from the experience; as have YOU, I'd say, because it's also crystal clear from your previous essays and pictures that you have learned a valuable lesson about parenting from the failings of your Dad.

It's an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes the only way a lesson can be learned is from analyzing someone else's failure.

That's why history is such a valuable field of study.

...all the above, and SC's quote is outstanding. I personally find that it is at times like these that the 23rd Psalm comes in handy for bringing perspective, comfort and encouragement, for ultimately He is the only Father Who will never let us down.

My condolences on your father's passing. Sounds like a big can of worms opened up however. Still, I think you did a fine job in expressing the positives in what sounds like a sad relationship.

Yep, we had no choice but to be positive. I only wish that my Aunt could have the same thought. That at least us kids didn't hold his failings against him and cared enough about the rest of the family to try and be part of the bigger picture. C'est la vie...and as my Gramp(Dad's dad) says, "The first hundred years are the hardest, Neetza."

My Gram liked to quote that to me...and then we would sing Jesus Loves Me. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

Indeed. The grief my aunt must feel is huge. And I also know that it isn't just his passing that is letting out. It's 30 or so years of taking care of my father and playing the martyr. There is never a right time for the things that fester inside. I did my best and she didn't seem willing to accept it. It will be okay, cause "Jesus loves me this I know..."

I am very sorry that your father passed away. You will be in my prayers.

Families are like what you described. That is the where-to-all of the old saying that you pick your friends, but God gives you your family.

My prayers are also with you. Numbers 6: 24-26

At least you had SOME kind of relationship with your Dad. I was adopted, so I have no knowledge whatsoever of my biological parents.

Yep, So glad we can pick our friends!!! I have some great ones here!

Well, here's hoping that those who loved you and cared for you are all that you would have ever asked for in Parents!! My mutti rocks!!

I want to jump throught the computer and give you a hug right now. What a beautiful post. I'll pray for you're whole family.

I just posted a fun new essay on my blog. Take a test to help you decide on values/candidates!

this is a powerful post. I will pray for your family. Every one of us has such an impact on those we touch, and often we don't even know it. Your attitude about an absent father speaks a lot about you, and maybe will help a bitter reader be more forgiving of failures among their own family and friends.

You have it so bad, someone comes along to wake you up and show you it could be much worse, you are that person today for me. You woke me up. I always felt like the child that didn't fit in, the ugly duckling. I used to ask why was I ever born? and was I adopted? I used to wonder why do my parents hate me? Well I learned that God has something better, different in store for me and that is what keeps me going. My dad died 3 years ago a hard working guy with his share of problems. I have siblings and a Mom whose greatest disappointment was me. All in all I don't have it so bad. I have a husband who loves me in spite of my numerous failings and a four legged furry barking I want it now type of dog but I love them both and I have good friends and decent neighbors. I will pray for you that in all you do you have peace, joy and love.
Thanks again for your post.

You were honest about your dad's weaknesses, and equally honest about his good traits and your love for him...........regardless. You grieved over things lost and did it without rancor. Hopefully, remembering the good stuff will make your loss easier to cope with. You are also to be commended, as is your brother, for being willing to apologize to your aunt when it appears she is the one who needs to apologize to you.

God keep his arm around you, Nee.

Thanks for the kind words and for popping in. I've seen you around...Have a good one.

Try to remember the good about yourself. We are our own worst critics, and I am certainly not immune! I'm glad I could shine some light on your day.

Thanks for stopping by. It is what it is and I am glad my dad finally has peace. It's prpbably harder for my Aunt, since she carried the weight for a long time.

You seem to have been able to find the good, Nee. Romans 8:28 tells us "And we know that to them that love God, all things work together unto good..."

My father was a good man and worked hard for his family. He was a very introverted person and we were not close while I was growing up. In later life that changed and he and Mom lived with us for the last 12 years of his life during his long illness.

I loved my father and learned from him to be involved with my own son. Just as you have; I found the good. I am sorry for your loss.

I’m hoping that the act of writing of your feelings for your dad has been a satisfying one for you. Your affection for the man who was your father, but perhaps not your “daddy” shows. You show an abundance of class and consideration for a man who was not all he could be, especially for you and your brother. But you’re right, think only of the good times, however few there were. I’m a great believer in “what goes around, comes around,” and I expect that God looks down at you and your thoughts and writing about your dad and says “nicely done, Nee.”