The Influence of Talk Radio - The Future of the GOP Part 1

My hat is off to Mr. Chase who recognizes the bright future the GOP has ahead of it. I am not the leader of the GOP but after years of broadcasting excellence I am the de facto spokesman of this party and I know we will rise like a phoenix from the wreckage of the travesty that we witnessed on Election Night. Leading us on that triumphant ascent will be none other than Sarah Palin. I had the pleasure of having lunch with Governor Palin this week in Anchorage. We discussed the future of the party and values of the American people. We agreed that now is not the time to part to the left just because the voters leaned that way in one election. After dining on moose stew, Alaskan microbrews, OxyCoton and hydrocodone, we retreated to a Super 8 motel where we continued our discussion. Our views are the same and one thing lead to another and I have to say, that the moose trumpeting that this little minx bellowed over my grunts of passion will be in my thoughts for weeks to come. We watched Sports Center and fell asleep in each others’ arms. And that my fellow Americans, is how we roll – GOP style.

It was with great dismay that I read of Amy Winehouse’s break up with her muse Blake Fielder-Civil. The following is an open letter to Amy Winehouse:

I, too, have been in shoes similar to yours, Amy - called washed up by the liberal media, addicted to drugs and abandoned in my hour of desolation of deafness by my she-devil ex. If you can read this, Amy, I am opening my home to you for you to get your act together as I did and regain your chanteuse excellence. We seem to resonate on the same frequency and I would be happy to house and feed you during this period. If you want to bring any party favors along, that’s fine too as I am still friendly with the OC because that's how we roll - GOP style.

I just finished my dinner and washed down my vitamins for the night with a class of brandy and was enjoying a good cigar when I read US News and World Report’s investigative story about the car industry bailout. Our latest charity darlings are Detroit’s “Big Three”. BTW, I drive a Cadillac Escalade and the only problems I’ve had with it are its On-Star System not turning off, the vehicle not starting in the cold during a recent trip to Alaska, some door trim that peeled off when I sideswiped a gay dude’s jeep in West Hollywood intersection late one night and disappointing gas mileage.

Bleeding heart liberal majority leader Nancy Pelosi seems to think that if a donut shop makes donuts with dog poop frosting and can’t seem to sell enough of them to keep its doors open that the American people should buy the donuts to keep the shop open and its canine bakers employed. Well, I for one, will not eat a donut with dog poop frosting. Release the marmosets on the cowardly liberal dogs in congress who want us to do these. Socialists!!! Marmoset bites are nasty sometimes but Cadillac and the other 2 will rise again like I did and Amy will in my tracks. God bless you America and all my heads. Tired now, Dizzy, so dissy and tingly. nice, it is how roll

Earlier this week my physician prescribed some pain relievers to me called Norco for back problems. The pharmacist did not warn me of any adverse interactions that Norco may have with brandy and as a result I could not finish one of my blogs showcased on this site. After I passed out last night, however, I had a nightmare: I was on vacation on the most luxurious cruise liner on the high seas. I had returned from a pork-themed buffet and was enjoying a fat cigar and a snifter of brandy on the veranda of my stateroom when an announcement from the captain came over the speaker that we were being taken over by pirates. I had my assistant prop a chair against my stateroom door. Then another voice, Somali or Kenyan in dialect came over the PA saying that there was a change in command of the ship. I moved the chair to go out on deck to investigate. I had learned that the African voice on the speaker was that of the head pirate in charge. What was worse was that many of the passengers were staging a mutiny of sorts and siding with the pirate citing poor rations onboard. I went up to a deck overlooking the pool and addressed the crowd gathered below. “Don’t you like the ham sculptures or the brandy fountains or cheese toast that’s served every night?” The crowd shrugged as if they were deaf. I added, “how about the moose burgers, the arctic seal goulash, the Alaskan microbrews and the OC mints?” Again, nothing. The head pirate, a black man, walked out to the rail. Although I tried to shout him down, he addressed the crowd with, “would you like some food and water?” The crowd cheered. Again I chided the group by saying, “this pirate is a thief by nature. “He will take all of your food and give it to his band of scallywags.” Still no response. Finally a young lass that I had met on the cruise joined me on the rail. “Look at this fine wench” I bellowed, “she will feed you”. The crowd walked away. I woke up and had noticed that I had pissed myself.

FORMER Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson is reportedly offering to rent his luxury one-bedroom condo in Washington, DC, for five days for $30,000 inauguration week "It has a balcony overlooking the inaugural parade route, the Navy Memorial and the US Capitol, and comes with a reserved parking space," said one of his staff members. I had the pleasure of meeting Fred at a fund raising dinner for Wall Street firms recently and I can tell you, my fellow Americans, the man is a patriot. He is the stuff of American values that is becoming a scarcity in these dark days of the Obama recession. I am having my staff contact his staff tomorrow to see if this great deal is still available as me and my posse want to stand on the railing and boo Obama as his motorcade passes by. Because that’s, my fellow Americans, is how we roll – GOP style.