Grace.

Are you merely pouring out your heart on the internet as a means of release in this difficult matter? Or are you boasting about how you are showing others grace? Or possibly you are asking for prayer? I earnestly don't mean to offend, but as I reviewed your blog, I got mixed signals on your motive. I believe you are asking for prayer.

As you said, grace is showing others favor they don't deserve. Something a loving God did, and still does, for us all. Yet, it is more. It is an internal state of peace and quietness, by the Holy Spirit, which enables us to show that undeserved favor to others without expecting any return, and without complaining. We see this quality in Jesus when He stood before his accusers - quiet, surrendered, trusting God.

When you feel that surrendered peace as you extend "grace" to others, then you will be truly an expression of God's love for them. And He will take care of you.

"Trust in Him at all times; ye people... God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8