Elder Care

that goes a long way in my home, even though we are not Jewish: Shalom Bayit

It means "peace in the home."

I have a mother very similar to yours, except that mine is selfish and sick with end-stage diabetes. I am a physician with a good income, my husband is retired & we have a large home. But, I will not have her live with me because of the strain that it will put on our home. And, that is my mother's choosing. She can behave differently if she likes, but she chooses not to. I am not independently wealthy, and I suppose that we will suffer some financial hardship when I have to figure out what to do when she can no longer live alone, but whatever the cost, I will not have her live with me. I don't think you're selfish. These relationships are complicated.

Our instruction is to Honor our parents. Sometimes having them live with you and fighting all the time isn't honoring them.

It is good to know that I'm not alone.
Actually, my Aunt moved to TN to get away from her brother and sister as she foresaw them both becoming dependents, and, like me, she has no children, for similar reasons to my own. She is married and retired and I believe she has that peace. I hate, sometimes, to even contact her because I respect her choice and don't want to impose on her. And, my uncle, is, in fact, living in his car, last I heard. My Mom keeps trying to get him to move to Denver.
I about had an embolism when she suggested that - oh, great, because SHE has so many more resources than HE does. What would happen there? They would BOTH become dependent on me. Plus, he's an extremely disturbed man - not violent, just WEIRD. He can't get along in any group.
Anyway, yes, peace in the home is of very high priority to me. I pretty much kicked my last roommate out to keep it.
It is an interesting point about having a parent in the house and fighting all the time might not be honoring them.
I think of other cultures (such as Asian traditions) where parents and children co-habit all of the time. I can't comprehend it.
*sigh*