SPRINGFIELD, Ill. — Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Illinois’ Obamacare peddlers are telling people the quickest way to find a date is with an insurance card.

The same people responsible for selling Obamacare with action figures via The Onion have released a new study aimed, apparently, at gold diggers and momma’s boys.

“When it comes to pursuing a relationship, a new survey shows that for many Illinoisans, health insurance is an important factor,” reads a statement from Get Covered Illinois, the state’s Obamacare managers. “More than two thirds (67 percent) of those surveyed listed having health coverage as something they value when starting a relationship, more so than the other person owning the latest technology, owning a dog, or having a tattoo.”