Hide yo kids, hide yo wife: it's global warming, y'all.
So says the Associated Press, which has an absurdly self-contradictory scare piece out about how the weather we're seeing is what global warming looks like. Yes. You read that right: global warming. Not climate change. I know, I'm confused, too.
If you want a glimpse of some of the worst of global warming, scientists suggest taking a look at U.S. weather in recent weeks.
Horrendous wildfires. Oppressive heat waves. Devastating droughts. Flooding from giant deluges. And a powerful freak wind storm called a derecho.
These are the kinds of extremes climate scientists have predicted will come with climate change, although it's far too early to say that is the cause. Nor will they say global warming is the reason 3,215 daily high temperature records were set in the month of June.
"This is what global warming looks like at the regional or personal level," said Jonathan Overpeck, professor of geosciences and atmospheric sciences at the University of Arizona. "The extra heat increases the odds of worse heat waves, droughts, storms and wildfire. This is certainly what I and many other climate scientists have been warning about."
Kevin Trenberth, head of climate analysis at the National Center for Atmospheric Research in fire-charred Colorado, said these are the very record-breaking conditions he has said would happen, but many people wouldn't listen. So it's I told-you-so time, he said.
Have these climate scientists been vindicated? Are we experiencing global warming? While admittedly, many experienced a relatively mild winter this year -- I, a native Michigander, was shocked by the mere two days of snow we had in DC from October to May, when we in the Mitten could reasonably expect wintery weather -- does anyone remember Snowpocalypse? In 2010? Can we really have gone from a record-breaking winter to "ZOMG global warming!!1!1" in two years? Dubious.
Indeed, that same AP article freely admits that these global warmingistas are just speculating; the science isn't exactly conclusive just yet.
Scientifically linking individual weather events to climate change takes intensive study, complicated mathematics, computer models and lots of time. Sometimes it isn't caused by global warming. Weather is always variable; freak things happen.
And this weather has been local. Europe, Asia and Africa aren't having similar disasters now, although they've had their own extreme events in recent years.
So, it's definitely global warming (climate change?!??!), even though just the U.S. is experiencing it. Got it. I mean, that makes sense, if you think about it, given that we're the nation on the planet that deserves the most punishment for our irresponsible use of natural resources, and the prevalence of technological progress, and stuff.
Meanwhile, I'll leave you with this: April 23, 2012, CNN.com, headline, "Winter Returns with a Vengeance in U.S. Northeast," subhead, "Rare Snowstorm Hits Northeast."
Global warming, folks. There's your proof.