Republican Activist Chases Car Wearing Only Boxers, Then Coats Yard Sign in Oil and Honey to Stop Democratic Theives
11/2/2010 4:56:00 PM - Jillian Bandes
The award for Most Enthusiastic Republican Activist of the 2010 cycle goes to... Daniel Patrick Head, of northern Virginia, who's support for Kieth Fimian in the 11th district stops only at the limitations of his kitchen pantry and underwear drawer.
At about 2:30 this morning I awoke to random flashing lights in front of my house. Living on a major street [in northern Virginia], I looked through my curtains to see a car pulled up to my yard and a bunch of people trying to remove my giant Fimian sign. Without much of a second thought, I was out of bed, and out my front door after those folks trying to abscond with my precious 4' x 8' sign. I was noticed about half way to their car as I was wearing only my boxers.
I heard "Holy sh*t, he's coming out of his house!!!" as I ran. Looking like an enraged Incredible Hulk, I left towards the car and jump part way inside to wrestle my sign from the thieves. The screams from the car I will treasure for the rest of my life. My battle cry of "Boxers or not, my sign!" had the car frantically trying to pull away. I was able to get the sign out of their hands, and was left in the middle of a major street, in my boxers, still holding my KEITH FIMIAN FOR CONGRESS sign. A true victory.
After replacing the sign, I got dressed, and assumed they would be back. About ten minutes later, I saw the car down the block initiating a U-tun to make a second go at the sign. Craftily hiding behind the sign, I waited for them to pull over and welcomed them with a rather terrifying "RAWWWWWR!" as I sprang out from behind the sign. The car swerved, someone again screamed, and the car was off down the road. I even gave a short chase by car just to scare them a little more. Before I returned to bed, I sprayed my sign with a heavy coat of cooking oil and then lathered all sides of the sign with honey. If they somehow manage to get my sign again, they deserve it after the mess they will encounter removing it.
If that isn't an indication that the Republican will win this one, I don't know what is.