Your Democratic Congress at Work

Dean Barnett

3/26/2007 4:59:19 PM - Dean Barnett

You might think a supplemental funding bill whose express purpose is to support our troops in a war zone would be a serious matter. If you think that way, you’ve obviously mistaken our Democrat-run Senate as a serious institution. Below is a list of additional expenditures, or, you might say, winners of the pork lottery that the Democrats included in the supplemental funding bill:

1) $24 million for funding for sugar beets. Good thing - I love sugar beets!

2) $3 million for funding for sugar cane (goes to one Hawaiian co-op). But I love sugar even more. Especially sugar that comes from Hawaii!

3) $20 million for insect infestation damage reimbursements in Nevada, Idaho, and Utah. Damn insects. Kill them all.

4) $2.1 billion for crop production losses. Remember, this is a bill to support the troops.

5) $1.5 billion for livestock production losses. That’s a lot of livestock.

6) $100 million for Dairy Production Losses. Is there any industry in America that’s losing money that this bill doesn’t offer a handout to?

7) $13 million for Ewe Lamb Replacement and Retention Program. The problem with ewes is you feed them, you train them, you love them, and when they finally become useful they take a better paying job. Ewes are fickle beasts who show not an ounce of loyalty. Even $13 million to replace and retain them won’t do any good.

8) $32 million for Livestock Indemnity Program. Good to have in case your chicken pecks out the neighbor’s kid’s eye. Gotta have indemnity for your livestock. Much more important than funding the troops.

9) $40 million for the Tree Assistance Program. Aaah, trees – the cathedrals of nature. I bet this one was John Kerry’s idea.

10) Provision that extends the availability by a year $3.5 million in funding for guided tours of the Capitol. Also a provision allows transfer of funds from holiday ornament sales in the Senate gift shop. If I understand this one correctly, most of the $3.5 million actually goes to stocking Ted Kennedy’s Capitol mini-bar.

11) 165.9 million for fisheries disaster relief, funded through NOAA (including $60.4 million for salmon fisheries in the Klamath Basin region). Finally, the overlooked Klamath basin gets the attention it deserves.

12) $25 million for asbestos abatement at the Capitol Power Plant. On this one, we got off easy. The contemplated asbestos abatement on Ted Kennedy’s liver would have cost an additional $6 million.

13) $22.8 million for geothermal research and development. Someday, God willing, this research will pave the way for curing the earth’s fever.

Believe me, there are many, many others. This is only a partial list. And, I regret to say, not one of the items above is made-up or a joke.

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