Hard News at ABC: '50 Ways to Celebrate Mrs. Obama's Birthday'

Cortney O'Brien

1/17/2014 4:00:00 PM - Cortney O'Brien

ABC News is putting forth some stellar journalism this week:

If your invite to Saturday’s dance party in Washington went missing, here are 50 other ways to honor the first lady on her big day — by doing some of her favorite things, from wearing stylish dresses to eating your veggies to doing the Dougie, preferably with Jimmy Fallon.

Yup, the hard-hitting reporters at ABC took time to write a fluffy piece on the First Lady, joining the Washington Post as publications not even trying to hide the fact they are cheerleaders for the Obamas. Think about it, would ABC ever dream of writing such a list for First Lady Laura Bush or Ann Romney? Here were a few of my favorite suggestions from ABC as to how to celebrate Mrs. Obama’s milestone year, complete with some of her most inspiring tweets:

"4. Work out your arms."

"23. Roll your eyes at House Speaker John Boehner or the Danish prime minister."

"44. Give a speech at the Democratic National Convention."

My favorite ironic moment of the list? When 13 and 36 contradicted each other: “Eat a lower calorie, lower sodium meal at the Olive Garden” and “Grab a burger at Five Guys.”

I know you’re dying to see it, so here’s the full list:

1. Dance to Beyonce

2. Eat your vegetables

3. Move into a massive new house with your family and invite your mother to move in too

4. Work out yours arms

5. Make the cover of Vogue

6. Call the president, “Barack”

7. Plant a garden

8. Buy a Jason Wu dress

9. Drink lots of water

10. Get bangs

11. Shop at J. Crew

12. Play with Portuguese Water Dogs

13. Grab a burger at Five Guys

14. Lend a hand at a homeless shelter or food pantry

15. Laugh out loud

16. Watch Spike Lee’s “Do The Right Thing” on your first date with your future husband

17. Root for Oregon State basketball

18. Hang out with your friend, Oprah

19. Cook up a storm on “Good Morning America”

20. Shop at Target

21. Work on your Pinboard

22. Take a jog on the White House lawn

23. Roll your eyes at House Speaker John Boehner or the Danish prime minister

24. Buy your own beehive

25. Visit “Sesame Street”

26. Do jumping jacks

27. Challenge Desmond Tutu to a pushup contest

28. Surprise some unsuspecting tourists at the White House.

29. Give Britain’s Prince Harry a brown leather flying jacket

30. Promote college accessibility

31. Watch “Modern Family”

32. Hug, kiss and fist bump the President of the United States

33. Shop at Target with sunglasses on

34. Graduate from both Princeton and Harvard

35. Thank a veteran

36. Eat a lower calorie, lower sodium meal at the Olive Garden

37. Do push ups to show up Ellen DeGeneres

38. Make your husband stop smoking

39. Allow him to chew Nicorette indefinitely

40. Do the Dougie (with Jimmy Fallon)

41. Travel the world on Air Force One

42. Promote a healthy living rap album

43. Dine at Spiagga in Chicago

44. Give a speech at the Democratic National Convention

45. Say “never say never” to botox

46. Hang out in Hawaii for an extra week as an early birthday gift

47. Host the most popular boy band in the world at your daughters’ first party in their new home

48. Put a heckler in his place

49. Let your husband plan your 50th birthday party

50. Just keep on dancing…

51. Don’t get your news from ABC.