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What can contribute to the solution is a proper understanding of love. This is contrasted with the current understanding that attraction is love, and once you are "in love" then you are supposed to "do" something about it. Let me explain. The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after the attraction fades, and wondering where the love went. It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things. 1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now. 2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is later disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you promise now to accept her. 3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness. 4. To encourage her passions and encourage improvement in areas of weaknesses. This provides purpose for the marriage; otherwise she can get bored with the routine. If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other. After you formally make your promises at your wedding, you complete or consummate these promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that you subsequently have sexual intercourse, you reinforce your promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying experience. If you have sexual intercourse before making your promises, then you show her that you are capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger, shapelier rival when she gets older. If you are able to restrain yourself when your attraction for her is at its highest, then you show her that you are capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come. Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College – 15 years of pre-marital
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