Dear Mrs. Pomerantz,
Not a bad column for a well intentioned query.
My Father in Law is set in his ways when it comes to paying the check for a Birthday gathering, normally at a chain restaurant. I steal it sometimes.
It's become a game, as to: who can get the waitress to give the check to whom. One of these days, I'm going to tell the server to give it to him!
BUT, my 28 yo nephew, has started to pay for his own....
I'm 50, he's 80. Definite limited income. I can get overtime, sometimes.
Kinda like your gym membership idea for an old folk not getting enough exercise, we bought him a riding mower, because he would not cotton a "lawn service".
Little things add up, over time, but they must be specific to the needs of the individuals one is trying to assist.
We contribute greatly to those Feast times, but always keep in mind the desires of the hosts, and the cleanup time and effort.
Hope this helps get more young'un's helping out us blue hairs! Haven't we done enough to put them behind the "8 ball" already???
Not a fan, but every now and again, you do well. JS