I can explain it at dissertation length and depth, but it will utterly contradict what you pretend to “know” about homo”sex”uality. As you know, none of this is new. You have been wrong about it for a long time. But enough -- back to the high point of your day.
At last! You are willing to state what is wrong with you. That’s a useful start; let us not blow* the good work that went into this self-discovery. Now what you must do is go forward toward the light, not back into your darkness. I implore you, forward, not backward. Don’t be like this all your life. It gets better (you remember “It gets better,” don’tcha?).
* I forego the obvious joke in the interest of improving you