Citizens of Chicago especially those that still pay taxes, you need not worry.
You don’t need to arm yourself, as that would be illegal and you can wind up in jail. You don’t need a gun, just get a phone.
Have no fear, citizens, your government protectors are just a phone call away.
When the thug is attacking, get on that phone, and call us, we will show up as soon as possible, except during break times, or shift changes, or if we are busy elsewhere. But hang in there, we will show up sooner or later. That’s an easy number to remember 911. Use it often.