"Use scissors....Scissors? Really? What kind of scissors, Janet? Pinking shears or Floyd the barber’s clippers?"
Well the kind of scissors you mention; pinking shears or hair scissors(barber clippers are electric and wouldn't do much good unless your going trim the perp's side burns) wouldn't be allowed in school because they have sharp pointy ends and could be used as a weapon.
The only kind of scissors allowed in school are safety scissors, you know, the kind with blunt rounded ends they give to kindergarteners so they won't poke their eyes out.
Just what does DHS stand for anyway? Department of Human Stupidity?