This is a great piece of satire! I'll bet you fooled a bunch of people with the statement that snipers are the only military members capable of shooting people (at "close range", no less!). And I like how you explain how absurd it is to think that someone who burglarizes an occupied residence is not just going to let you live to tell about it. You pointed out that pepper spray, though useful, doesn't put the fear of death into someone nor is it particularly suitable for multiple targets. This was pure genius. The best part is where you demonstrated the idiocy of the "everyone carrying a gun" straw man with the preposterous notion that there will be 100 civilians carrying guns outside of a shooting range.