I was blessed with a good teen. Some of that was, I think, how I treated her. It never fails to amaze me how some parents will say "how can they talk to me that way" when I hear THEM say "shut your pie hole" and other disrespectful things. IF I lost patience and talked to her in a disrespectful way I would say sorry later. SO when SHE talked to me in a disrepectful way I could say I DO NOT talke to YOU that way and I will NOT take it from you! Can't really say that if you're talking to them that way.
Two things. One: They do NOT want to be that way any more than you want them to be that way. They have SCREAMING hormones.