Hurricane Sandy, this week's annual Storm of the Century, proves that global warming will soon destroy us all. But it also dumped many inches or unseasonable snow in the Appalachians, so it proves that another ice age is imminent. The Settled Science is really beyond all you small people. Stop trying to figure it out. Just vote to keep leftists in power and fork over more of your ill-gotten income. While you're at it, call Mitt Romney and tell him to get out of that wacky cult and stop murdering women and minorities. I'm Barack Obama, and I approved this message because I'm freakin' desperate.