If you're contained it will be easier for everyone involved. You know what you do is vile and disgusting and you hate it yourself for it. You've confessed repeatedly that you suffer from a Personality Disturbance, 302 Sexual Deviation 302.0 Homosexuality. You are at war within yourself. It's unlikely you get any relief when you do perform sodomy with your "husband" which would intensify your existing condition of sexual loathing. You're not having an identity crisis, you're sexually underdeveloped.