Possibly someone has already given the answers, but I missed them. I seem to be missing a lot these days like my freedoms. I digress. I have heard that under beavisbudcare, we will be forced to pay into the system for three years before we will be able to derive any of its promised benefits. What health care plan do we use during those three years? I can’t use the new one because it won’t be available. In order to use my present one, assuming my current insurer is able to stay in business, I will have to maintain my monthly premiums, which will probably increase. Does this mean that for three years I will have to pay premiums for two plans? Won’t this reduce the money available to me for other things such as food, clothing, shelter,...

Old McDonald had stashed a shotgun under the haystack where Little Boy Blue was fast asleep. As he reached for his 16 gauge Winchester Model 1897, he was shocked to see Little Bo Peep’s boyfriend with a cork protruding from a hole in the kid’s pants’ seat. Just then with a humongous blast like a bomb bursting, the cow exploded. As scraps of beef covered everything like milk dipped red snow, Old McDonald pumped his weapon and angrily spoke, “You idiot. It has recently been exposed that the whole global warming thing is a hoax based on fraudulent data. There is no climate change!” Pleased with himself and arrogantly jutting his fine chiseled chin into the air as if on cue, Bury continued to read, “You admit there’s no global warming! See...

Old McDonald had a farm, and on this farm he had a cow, a horse, 2 pigs, a lamb, a mother cat with 5 kittens, a mule, a dog, a goat, a rooster, 7 hens, a dozen chicks, a Thanksgiving turkey, 8 ducks, 3 blind mice and a llama. I don’t know why he had a llama, but he did. One day, he went out to the Rock City / Meramec Caverns billboard to feed the animals. Approaching the red painted out-building, he heard all the animals crying in unison, almost as if they were singing, “Eee Aye-yai-yai Eee Oh my my!” Once inside, he was astounded to see a fine looking chocolate skinned young man with funny ears sticking corks into the exit of each creature’s digestive system. He was flabbergasted to say the least, and raising his pitchfork menacingly,...

Nor do I wish to trouble this conversation by pointing out the carbon dioxide, while certainly nobody’s first choice breathing gas, is a natural byproduct of the respiratory process for all living things. Animals exhale it as a waste product, for which beer drinkers of the world are grateful. Plants inhale it in order to live. If it is banned, all plants will die. Since oxygen is the waste product plants exhale, and plants are the base of most food chains, we are all doomed. Just one of those annoying unforeseen consequences that happen whenever idiots are in charge. At any rate, the EPA has been a petty tyrant since its inception. Their ruling that inspired this column is simply their latest and greatest. It is made even scarier that...

From the hugely popular New York Times, coming soon to a bail-out near you, an article by Linda Moorehouse, dated Tuesday, April 3, 2007: “WASHINGTON, April 2 — In one of its most important environmental decisions in years, the Supreme Court ruled on Monday (4/2/2007) that the Environmental Protection Agency has the authority to regulate heat-trapping gases in automobile emissions. The court further ruled that the agency could not sidestep its authority to regulate the greenhouse gases that contribute to global climate change unless it could provide a scientific basis for its refusal. The 5-to-4 decision was a strong rebuke to the Bush administration, which has maintained that it does not have the right to regulate carbon dioxide and...

While I agree entirely with the sentiments expressed by Mr. Culberson, in all fairness the dunderheadedness of the EPA cannot be totally placed inside obummer mmm mmm mmm’s teleprompter. From Wikipedia: “The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency is an agency of the federal government of the United States charged to protect human health and the environment, by writing and enforcing regulations based on laws passed by Congress. The EPA was proposed by President Richard Nixon and began operation on December 2, 1970, when its establishment was passed by Congress, and signed into law by President Nixon, and has since been chiefly responsible for the environmental policy of the United States.” That’s right, Nixon.
Gill...

I posted above announcing a hopefully fun yet silly little competition, I thought I should actually comment on Mr. Tyrrell’s thoughts above.

The whole point of the obummer health care scheme has never been “to create a health care reform that restrains expenses and extends health care to those who need or want it,” else it would not become a mandate, not leave millions of citizens uninsured while providing the straw that finally breaks the back of the camel which carries the American Economy. It is simply a ploy for the gum’mint to seize control of about a sixth of the wealth of the United States while creating an immortal bureaucratic boondoggle. After their proven track record of lies, deceit and corruption, why anyone would...

The rules (8-13) for this contest are as follows:
8) The Contest Judge will be the Gill O’Teen Poet of the Year for 2 Yo (2010 A.D.).
9) His actual identity is known to participants in the earlier contest, but will only be revealed to those who send me a request. This request will be forwarded to him and only he has the right to divulge his name. For the purpose of this contest he will only be referred to as the Gill O’Teen Poet of the Year for 2 Yo (2010 A.D.).
10) Neither Gill O’Teen nor the Gill O’Teen Poet of the Year for 2 Yo (2010 A.D.) are eligible to win this competition. Everyone else who enters before the deadline is eligible.
11) The email address of all contestants will not be knowingly disclosed by Gill O’Teen...

The rules (1-10) for this contest are as follows:
1) Contest entries must be date stamped before February 21, 2 Yo (2010 A.D.).
2) All entries must be sent to my gmail account gill.Oteen07041776@gmail.com.
3) Each entry must follow the basic haiku format of three (3) unrhymed lines. The first and third lines must contain exactly five (5) syllables. The middle line must contain exactly seven (7) syllables. Any entry containing obscenities or pornography will be disqualified. I will be the sole judge of this.
4) In the event that I and a contestant disagree as to exactly how many syllables a word might have, a standard dictionary or Google will be consulted. If that fails, I will ask the submitter for an explanation. If the...

Both of you who actually pay attention to what I post are aware that in the past I have attempted to have two fun contests.

The first simply asked contestants to submit their favorite obummer lie. I received exactly two entries and they each simply repeated the very lie I had cited as an example when announcing that contest, so I did not declare a winner.

Then I thought that to celebrate obummer’s lie that those who make less than $250,000 a year will not see their taxes increase even one thin dime, contestants were asked to compose a rhymed four line poem in the manner of George Harrison’s 1966 Rock Classic “Taxman”. I received entries from one person. Accordingly that person was declared the Gill O’Teen Poet of the Year...