In response to:

Jane Austen's Advice: Choose the Right Man and Live Happily Ever After

Daniel30 Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 6:26 AM
Both genders grow up confused in our era. My father born in 1915 grew up assured that he would be expected to lead his family, to provide, to sacrifice, to labor, console and bring the energies of an entire family to bear fruit. It was an expectedly difficult task, which needed preparation and continual labor and continued refusal to be dissuaded from the goal. Today, most of us men are listless. We are to be sensitive rather than decisive we are told. My father grew up knowing much was expected from a man's leadership and so he prepared for it. He made mistakes, but kept at it. Do boys grow up knowing what is expected of them today?
Daniel30 Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 6:33 AM
I think I gained an important insight when I visited Russia for the second time in 2001. Russia had seventy years of communism, which was basically oligarchic socialism. Russian society had broken down. Alcoholism was rampant, especially among men. The gap in life expectancy for men and women was huge. Women generally lived into their 70's and men less than 60. The old pre-Communism days were patriarchal where men led their families. Communism replaced men with the state. The state was to lead and the state was to provide and protect. Women were hurt but men were useless in the Communist system. They grew listless and sought avenues of escape. That is what happens when the state takes on the roles of husbands and fathers. ...
Daniel30 Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 6:38 AM
The listlessness I saw as a hangover from the post-Soviet era was a listlessness produced when the state takes on the role of father, husband, provider, and protector. Men in the modern state with its socialist all encompassing tendencies have lost their ancient roles which they grew up seeking to fulfil for millenia. All that was left for them was military service for the state. Or escape. In the Soviet Union it was alcohol, in America drugs, gangs, and video games.
Joeboo Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 10:08 AM
"he would be expected to lead his family, to provide, to sacrifice, to labor, console and bring the energies of an entire family to bear fruit"

You forgot to mention the other half of the equation. In return for this selflessness, man's home was supposed to be his castle. The man was supposed ot be respected and deferred to. It's a social contract.

Women broke the social contract first. Any group that breaks a "social contract" has no right to be mad if the other gives up on their half ot the "contract".

You know who is also a fool? Anyone who continues to honor a contract even though the other person is completely ignoring their own obligations under the contract. Despite what you see on TV, most men aren't fools.
Renaissance Nerd Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 11:25 AM
I'm one of those who honor the contract even though it's in tatters. I refuse to budge, even if that makes me a fool.
Joeboo Wrote: Apr 18, 2012 11:40 AM
You're free to make that choice. So far I've made that choice too.

Young men need to be better informed of what's in store for them in modern marriage. Propaganda and abuse like "man up" needs to be offset with honest information and discussion.

Culture Challenge of the Week:  Finding A Good Man

Call it the lament of the young, single woman: there are no good men left. Or if there are, where are they? And how can a young woman pursue a healthy, marriage-minded relationship in a singles culture of casual sex and perpetual adolescence?

In her new book, The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After (Regnery Publishing, 2012), Elizabeth Kantor provides some answers. She writes, “Of course it’s no secret that modern mating rituals have gone badly wrong.” And indeed they have: the number of cohabitating couples...