In response to:
I have a 19 year old son who is severely autistic and non-verbal. He lives in an institution. He is 6'2" and is as strong and agile as any top high school athlete. He also can become extremely aggressive at the drop of a hat, with people smaller than himself (particularly women). We could not care for him in our home because he became a threat to his younger sister. The city Parks and Recreation department (who runs various activities for the developmentally disabled) told me not to send him to any more programs without an aide. I could not find an aide because of his behavior. Consequently, our family was without respite and without peace. Now that he is institutionalized, he has constant 24/7 supervision. He has several aides...
Nearly every evening, they are there at their neighborhood pool—a father and his nine-year-old son, Michael. The boy’s smile captures attention instantly. You can’t help but be drawn to watch the two of them as they paddle around, dive for rings, and play “Marco Polo.” Michael stands out from the other children in the pool for one reason: He has Down Syndrome.
We’ve become a culture both welcoming and deadly to people with disabilities. On the one hand, the law requires that they have special access to buildings, and employment opportunities, and children with disabilities are mainstreamed in our schools....
It is so frustrating, education goes from one end of the scale to another. Yes there are people who need insitutional care; but not all....
I hope that it didn't sound like I would take the options of institutionalized care away completely. That would be crazy. Every disabled person's needs are different and there should be options open for every one. I was referring to the less severely disabled people who used to be institutionalized for no reason other than the fact they were disabled. I would never refer to anyone as a refrigerator parent. I have 2 boys of my own on the mild to moderate end of the spectrum, but even before I had them, I knew that autism wasn't caused by the parents. I know that you certainly didn't warehouse your child so that you could go and party. I have been on the receiving end of men like your son (I once worked in an institution)...